As Epicmafia currently resides in a waning phase, I thought there might be some value (however small) in finally compiling and historicizing its history. I began this project a few weeks ago by posting silly writeups on certain people's profiles, and at the request of a few I am ready to begin taking requests and going public with the project.
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Jacobkrin the Friendly Ghost is a spirit that has found itself at home within Sandbox’s walls. Originating during the reign of Bebop, Jacob did not develop into a major player until midway through 2017. Whether he is actually bound to these halls is uncertain, but you can be guaranteed to always hear his charming yet dour commentary when passing through the streets of Sandbox. He has made vague references to coming from Salem, but most authorities on geopolitics claim that Salem is a made-up realm and those who say they know its location are unreliable. But perhaps Jacob knows where Sandbox’s people have gone...
Rotate has the distinction of being one of the longest-lasting emotes known to man. Recorded history attributes its invention to Kenny, who used it for symbols of rotation, gyration, and spiraling. Under Bebop, the emote made a gradual transition towards being used for rotating out symbols every week. Nearly every owner has at one point or another neglected the rotation; itself a forgiveable crime, but said negligence has led to many minor conflicts.
Under Dooze, Rotate was discontinued as the rotation aspect had fallen completely by the wayside.
In Sandbox’s heyday, it was rare to not see the beloved Quiggle symbol plastered across walls and game rooms. The frog with a knowing smile represented wisdom, satisfaction, and the inability to accept friend requests for its duration of servitude. But the history of Quiggle is a long and bloody one, and arguably served as a powder keg with which the greatest war in Sandbox was ignited.
In his autobiography Straight White Lines, Kenny attributes Quiggle as a direct cause of his downfall as Owner. In the last months of his reign, a group of users led by Sigh had petitioned to replace Nimmo, a symbol denoting perturbance or awkwardness, with the frog in question. This demand became so great that some people branded themselves with the Quiggle, but Kenny would not budge. Nimmo was new, and here to stay for the time being. Riots plagued the city, and the chatroom was home to many fistfights in Quiggle’s name. Golbolco and the Templars would use this unrest to fuel part of the foundation for her entire social movement by January 2016, and at the end of the month, Golbamania was born. One of the only lasting changes from the first Golbox was indeed the addition of Quiggle.
In the wake of the midway battle of the Owner Wars, nihilism and hedonism washed over the Sandbox populace with greater furor than it had ever before. Enter a young, charismatic upstart with the ability to appeal to many demographics at once: Eadin Jingahegami.
When making her bid for a power base, Eadin held back no punches. She like others before her attached herself to an existing group, and moulded it to best suit her agenda. Her public persona made promises of nothing until the time was right: a naval expedition into Survivor here, a bid for reigniting the Owner Wars there. Psy 420 took notice of her efforts and handed her the keys to moderating the Gaming Wastes, where her power holds to this day.
Once Eadin had solidified a base, she cleaned house of actors that could prove problematic (although the rumor was that some of their powers intimidated her.) Then, Eadin seized her chance at control over the population—when it was too late. The mafia rinks had dwindled to 8 or even 6 player games in the mid-day. There was nobody to rule over. So why rule?
Bannanaxd is a fascinating specimen of Darwinism in Epicmafia. Never before has a feline been observed with either omnivorism or a parasitic lifestyle, but the bananacat does just that by birthing its young in nascent banana bunches. The bananacat waits until the banana peel has turned yellow to emerge from its home and roam the subtropics. This young tom in particular wandered in from the east into the Clover household, and was promptly adopted by Ace as a mascot. Bananacats are docile around humans and children, making them ideal pets in the home.
Rigby, also known as “NuSammy,” was one of the last young gay men engineered by Tiger Moms Associated as a countermeasure against the Church of Jamal. This unit has proven to be particularly durable compared to its predecessors, although appears to have lost or damaged the biometric inhibitors meant to direct it into conflict with the Church. Rigby, like its brothers-in-arms, is of dubious legal status in Sandbox and a hushed but heated political discussion at dinner tables across the country. Rigby is arguably one of the cornerstones to the fourth-generation Dangan cohort, which makes its behavior a common study for Sandbox anthropologists.
There are few success stories like that of Artic. It’s rare when a private meme trader can break out into the public market, but Art did just that after forming his partnership with Blister. Art’s market share in the Chatbox peaked around early 2016 before the economic boom following the start of the Owner Wars, and maintained its position until late 2017. Today, Art’s private firm maintains 32 outlets across the Underground specializing in quips and wicked wazingas.
A codeword among late-stage Golbamaniacs. The phrase was popularized by Golbolco and Baabaa during strike operations in the latter Owner Wars. Its usage signifies a feeling of honor and respect, along with acknowledgement of hardship and common experience.
It would appear that public records on this have been purposefully obfuscated.
According to apocrypha, a large bipedal ape was spotted dragging a figure out of a snowbank sometime in the Fall of 2014. The ape left the unconscious person on a highway between Main and Sandbox, and according to whatever version of the story you believe either Ballsy came upon her or a band of Noavis from Main did. There is likely to be truth in both accounts.
It is known that Golbolco spent some time in Main before coming to call Sandbox home and may even own some property in the undercity. The common hypothesis is that Golbolco was merely one of a dozen faceless arrivals, and all others faded away.
We must also consider the SuperChimpy factor: according to some religious orders, Golbolco is either a resurrected or reincarnated SuperChimpy after her death and the end of Christopherzilla's reign. Golbolco denies any connection, but there are still unanswered coincidences.
Archaeological findings and criminals who have been caught fiddling with the Code allege that there are writings in Proto-Training that mention characters with similarities to Golbolco, often referenced in tandem with "mein kraft." Sl0nderman's published hypothesis in Chatrooms Quarterly (Spring 2017) proposes that Golbolco is in fact intrinsically attached to the very lifeblood of Epicmafia, the Code. This is widely considered outlandish.
There are many ways to approach the Golbolco problem, and many that I haven't even listed, but verification is always the obstacle on the road.
After the midpoint battle of the Owner Wars and the Christmas Eve War in December of 2016, Lucid’s already minute tolerance for infighting and dramatics had plummeted into the negatives. After hastily finishing his final touches on the Code, Lucid fell back into dormancy. He has yet to awake, and this quiet period has been his longest and most tasking on the people of Epicmafia so far. Some say that he is gone for good, and that the energy expended by [missing data] and Golbolco had laid waste to his Earthly form. Others argue that his return is imminent, pointing to the continued (if delayed) imbuement of Admin powers to new individuals. Whether the future of Epicmafia is linked to Lucid’s reawakening is for now uncertain.
