ztd was the worst for me but then also now that ive analyzed every single tiny thing tht the writing didnt explain i realize that zero ii is the most relatable character ever
like when i got into zero escape i had panic attacks every night for at least a month but i still loved it and im still really into it now that the panic has faded
DID I MENTION that the whole "death game" genre (saw, danganronpa, zero escape, etc) and death games in general are simultaneously my worst trigger and one of my biggest and longest hyperfixations ever so i find myself seeking out the very things that make me have panic attacks at night All The Dang Time and i hate myself for it but i cant stop
have u had the thing where the normal ringing in your ears gets louder and louder because theres no other sound and eventually you cant even hear your thoughts because its just now a single loud monotonous beep and u start to freak out cause you cant hear anything
school is AWFUL. every year since like fourth grade ive had a total emotional breakdown sometime btwn december and may and ive wanted to kill myself every single year
id hear the slightest odd noise and id jump, or itd be quiet and id look out the window to make sure jigsaw wasnt telling me the rules to a game i wouldnt know i was in otherwise
ok i stopped going to school in december because i had a breakdown but then i did a thing which was kinda like cyberschool but not which made me able to pass ninth grade but i have to go back to regular school for ninth and i havent been in such an environment for (itll be ten months in september) and im absolutely fuckimg terrified that ill have a panic attack and hurt someone
my parents used to say "well you know its not real right" and i was like "yeah" and they were like "well just keep telling yourself that" and i was like "thanks guys" and then i went to bed and had a panic attack that lasted three hours
hyeah,, do you also get the thing where if theres no music on (even if there is sometimes actually) the ticking of the clock in the room makes you panic whenever you focus on it even a little bit? bc ive done that for as long as i can remember like. it seems to get louder and louder and LOUDER and i cant stop thinking
anyway every time neurotypical people say stuff like "im batsht insane" or refer to "the demons in my head" for the edge value i die a little more inside
i always turn on the lights before i enter any room or hallway at night. if im in the dark i panic to the point of breaking down. i have never slept alone in a room with the lights off, ever, and i doubt i ever will
one time i stayed up until dawn and slept until 1 in the afternoon because while it was dark my mind could never rest and i couldnt go get my parents because if any part of me touched the ground it would trigger a trap in my room and something would come in and kill me (again, a delusion, but i couldnt make that deeper part of me reject it)
aaa?
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