it takes the same amount of time as it does to age a good vintage (ie. 15 years or so)

The power of dance!

but the recoil will break your arm, every time

the ability to turn water into wine

but the time zone is randomized and you don't know what timezone it's from.

able to fire invisible bullets by making gun sign with my hand

but you forget what you've read after an equal amount of minutes

the ability to tell time without any clocks!

But you need to wear massive, thick, bifocals otherwise your sight is terrible

the ability to read books in a matter of minutes

but the enzyme in your body becomes inactive if you deviate from it's optimal operating temperature (37C)

perfect vision in both day and night.

You have an inherently dislikable personality.

The ability to control your own body temperature.

but you'll never star in a kung fu movie, never ever

the ability to be courageous and decisive in your thoughts and actions (i.e. no anxiety)

but it doesn't ever get noticed by anyone, so it never hits the top 40 charts.

The power to punch in rapid succession (google chain punch)

but the more you eat, the less happy you become

the ability to make great music

You can only steal lamps

The ability to eat forever without gaining weight or getting full

You smell like farts forever. It doesn't matter how much perfume you douse yourself with, or how often you shower. You just quite naturally smell like farts.

The ability to steal without getting caught. Ever.

They can't stop dancing until they die.

ok hemm ninja'd me so i'll do his too: you can only foresee the bad things, so you're always worried about bad crap

The ability to project my farts to a different area of the room in order to frame someone else for said fart.

Dance is the name of a dog. You just killed a dog named Dance by proxy.

the ability to be clairvoyant

You can only control them when you are naked around at least one other person.

The ability to make people spontaneously breakdance.

but your donk looks hideous anyways

the ability to control dragons

you are now deaf

The ability to stop butt hair growth

But you can't have hair.

The ability to shut peoples mouths without kicking their teeth in.

The bricks are always very soft, just like freshly baked cookies. Unfortunately, they don't taste anything like cookies.

The ability to change your hair color at will.

the person who puts you on has no control over when they have to use the bathroom

The ability to turn every cookie in the world into a brick

but those pants set you on fire as well

the ability to become a pants at will

@qow: You only do this because...YOU HAVE NO LEGS.

NINJA'D

@TrueHelios: You are doomed to have poopy taste in films.

The ability to burn pants wherever and whenever they are created.

@ Avid They all have psychopathic tendencies
NINJA'D

Their pants are too big and fall off after walking

The ability to see every future Micheal Bay film before it was even created

@avid all objects are now people, and you cannot step on the ground without it screaming out in pain. also, all the people are now having a midlife crisis thanks to u (even the objects)

ninja'd by papajacky

@papajacky you now not require food or water, but you are always hungry

the ability to make everyone wear pants

but those people are your worst enemy

the power to not require food or water