personally i prefer not to think about it because i havent accepted death yet, and i believe there's nothing after death, so the idea that all of this will amount to nothing is unsettling and if that were truly so then i can't imagine being so reticent as i am, but instead i try to convince myself that life will last forever and that if im a good enough person with good enough insight that i deserve it, immortality will be extended to me when we inevitably discover it, but until then the uncertainty weighs on me, and while i cling to this absurd fantasy, even it won't come easy to me and if i waste my time here then this dream will elude me, so i'm in a resulting perpetual conflict between doing what i think is best and not wasting the time i have, and as such i'm ironically frozen in time
