Thank you again for the comments guys. I really appreciate it. Reading your support makes me feel... I'm not sure how to describe it. But damn, it sure as hell made me smile.
I'm so proud of you Emile this brought tears to my eyes I'd give you a hug if I could and I can speak for everyone you being gay is fine your sexuality isn't why we're friends with you. You have nothing to feel bad on you're not a freak or anything of the sort you're an amazing person we're friends with you because of you Emile you're great and that's not going to change you can't help how you feel towards someone/people
It was super brave of you to say all that here publicly. I never would have thought you felt that way. Now that you've said it all though I just want you to know that I've always respected you and looked up to you and still feel exactly the same now. You shouldn't feel inadequate or ashamed about anything because you are an amazing person.
my parents are very religious and idk i’d rather die than let them know... i’m extremely close with my sister and i still couldn’t tell her. i hope someday we’ll gain the courage to let people know for better or for worse.
and you could have morgan paypal you the money & transfer it to your bank then run to an atm. bank transfer via paypal is instant and it only requires linking up a debit card
making a post like that isn't easy so i applaud your courage
sexuality is something super fluid and weird to describe and it's totally normal to feel romantically attracted to girls/physically attracted to guys (i've dealt w the same thing in reverse and i just call myself bi because it's "easier" to explain than saying i'm attracted to girls but i don't often want to date girls)
everyone cares about how people view them and anyone who says they don't is probably lying--everyone craves acceptance
the way i've learned to look at it is that it's less about learning to stop caring about what people think (which is super unrealistic!) and more about surrounding yourself with people that support the qualities that other people are telling you is abnormal
when you have people that support those qualities within you it gets a lot easier to stop hurting so much over the people that don't
it's especially hard when it's family but it's not impossible
sry for the text wall i just found what u wrote very relatable
you are a top-notch human being emile, and i'm glad you've decided to reveal this, it's a big step but an important one. we're here for you and we love you
HEY!!! this is so brave of you, wow! i really wish i had the courage to say what you said to many people in my real life.
i know you mentioned saying that you didn't want to say you were bisexual because of the disproportionate amount of attraction you feel for men and women but to tell you the truth, sexuality is a spectrum and the same thing goes for bisexuality. i myself am bi, but i am far more sexually attracted to women than i am to men, to the point where the only kind of men that i find myself attracted to are typically deemed androgynous or feminine-looking. you don't have to think of it as a fifty-fifty thing, because by definition, bisexuality only implies that one is attracted to both men and women, not that they are equally attracted to both.
that aside, if you still choose to identify as homosexual, that's your choice to make. i just noticed that you had the notion that the sexual attraction had to be fifty-fifty.
also: did you ever get the pizza situation figured out? i might have a solution that will enable you to pay at the door but you might have to run to an atm (it'll still be out of morgan's pocket tho)
I would pay attention to the things my friends or family said, especially when they would talk negatively about something. Repetition of these negative things only told me: This is bad and weird! You can imagine being gay was in there. Reality TV and anime was also shunned, so of course I would avoid as much as possible for people to associate me with these ‘negative’ things. So I kept these to myself, in order to meet people’s expectations so they wouldn't disapprove of me, and this is a mindset that I still live with today. I knew I was gay when I was about 15. I never imagined I would be before that. So what did I tell myself once I knew? I didn’t disagree with their opinions. I saw myself as a freak, but at least if nobody knew, they would still approve of me and see me as normal, and I’d keep being able to fit in, no problem. And that’s the mentality I’ve been living with, and even today, getting rid of it isn’t the easiest thing. Why do I still care about how people view me? I wish I could just tell my mind to stop thinking like that.
There was no defining moment, but I think there was a gradual development. I did say in an earlier post that I was never bullied. This is mostly true. I’ve never been beaten up, or had people verbally abuse me every day. No one had their sights on me. But it did happen that people would mock me, question me, make me feel ashamed of myself. For things as simple as being shortest in the class or my general behaviour. My behaviour as a kid was quite… unusual. I even got a school intervention with my parents + teacher in grade school, telling me that what I was doing was wrong. When I was home as well, whenever I’d do weird things, my parents would let me know how much it made them feel ashamed of me or make it clear that I was acting abnormally. All of this made me feel bad about myself, and throughout the years I’ve strived to meet my parents’ expectations so they’d stop disapproving of me. And I’d try suppressing anything about myself that was ‘abnormal’ so I could fit in with the class and no one would think negatively of me, both in behaviour and in opinions.
So, it’s a new year everyone. One of the things I want to work on this year is to stop following a particular mentality. So for now I just wanna do something specific.
It’s time to come out of the closet. I am in fact, a homosexual.
I’m about 95% gay. I would say 100%, but I’ve been attracted to girls before, and I’m not gonna say I’m bi because the scale is just way too tilted in the guys’ favour. So 95%. What’s weird though, is that in terms of romantic feelings, I’ve mostly had for girls. About an 85% ratio girl/guy this time. So I’m basically a homosexual heteroromantic and I don’t even know how to deal with this.
I’ve had to think for a long time as to why I was hiding this. I knew it was because I associated gay with weird/freaky/not normal, and I wanted to avoid people thinking of me as such. But still, it just lead to another question: Why do I see it that way?
And I wouldn't say that I didn't see how bad it was for me, because I definitely did. I just couldn't stop myself despite that though, my mind actively refusing to listen to reason.
I'm fairly surprised honestly. Not that you would gamble but that you got addicted to the games of pure chance to the point where you ended up losing. Really goes to show the addictive power of gambling and how it can grab anyone. I hope you're able to continue with the more controlled gambling and don't go overboard anymore.
gambling is the thing im most looking forward to being able to do when i become an adult but its a fine line between just for fun and a crippling, life-ruining addiction, so good job not crossing into the life-ruining path, even if you did make some stupid decisions it couldve been a helluva lot worse
also what u said abt gambling is too relatable. gambling is the fking worst yet it’s so hard to quit once you’re addicted... and most ppl don’t even see how bad gambling addictions are until it’s much too late
