In this thread we will share our own jokes that we have made up
here is one to get us started:
Q: what do you call a person that gets rid of espionage agents and also hates a lot of things
A: a despiser
all rankings are in accordance with participants' posts in this
thread and are listed chronologically according to when participants made their contributions
I will release the answer to my new joke (What do you play if you are hungry, suicidal, and in France?) some time.
deletedover 7 years
Lost your pen = no pen No pen = no notes No notes = no study No study = fail school Fail school = no diploma No diploma = no work No work = no money No money = no food No food = skinny Skinny = ugly Ugly = no love No love = no marriage No marriage = no children No children = alone Alone = depression Depression = sickness Sickness = death Lesson: Don't ever lose your pen
"A-a-a, I'm sorry, I ate it by mistake..", said the little boy.
And.. the same thing happened -- the boy was thrown off the train and killed. The guy was arrested, sentenced to death by electrocution. It came to him last day. The death row guard asked him what he would like for his meal. He asked for banana again. He ate it, and a priest gave him last rites.
He was escorted to the death chamber. This time, though, they were smart.
They washed his hands to get rid of any banana slime, they washed up the chair. Next, they placed him the chair, and hooked him up. The switch-puller pulled the switch once, and nothing happened. The switch-puller pulled the switch twice, and nothing happened, not even a single hair raising on the guy's chest.
Well, as the law says, they had to let him go...
Even more amazingly, he got a job on yet another railroad.
This time it was a rabbi. Same old stuff. Rabbi had no ticket (he forgot to buy it). Guy threw him off the train, rabbi died. Guy was arrested, convicted, sentenced to death by electrocution.
When the guard asked him what he would like for a last meal, he asked for a banana. He ate it, received last rites, and was escorted to the chamber.
However, this time the officials where going to get it right! They scrubbed his body with a brillo pad. They scrubbed the chair with steel wool. They tried the chair on a few other prisoners...
Okay, they strapped him in, and threw the switch once, nothing happened. Threw the switch a second time, nothing happened. At this point the guy was legally dead, etc, etc.
But, before the guy could leave, the executioner, extremely frustrated (he'd seen this same guy three times already). asked, "What is it with the banana!"
The guy replied, "I just like bananas."
So, the executioner screamed, "THEN HOW COME YOU DON'T DIE!!!!!"
"I dunno," replied the guy, "I guess I'm just not a very good conductor."
There once was this guy who worked for the Railroad as a conductor. Let's say his name was Joe. Well, Joe was walking through the train, en route, collecting tickets from the passengers. He comes to car 12, booth 3. In it was a man.
So, he asked him for his ticket: "Excuse me sir, do have your ticket?"
"Oh, I am soooo sorry, I dropped it out the window by accident," he replied.
"Sorry sir, can't have any passengers without tickets." He grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and threw him out of the train. Well, he landed on the tracks and was run over by the train. Naturally, the conductor was arrested and thrown in jail. He was convicted of murder before a jury of his peers, and sentenced to death by electrocution.
The day of his execution came up, and he was asked what he would like for his last meal. He asks for a banana. They gave it to him, he ate it, received his last rites, and was escorted to the chair. The executioner strapped him in, hooked everything up. Last, he threw the big switch once, and nothing happened. So, he did it again, and nothing happened. Well, by law the guy was legally dead, so they had to release him.
Oddly enough, the guy got a job on another railroad, as a conductor! One day, he was gathering tickets, and came to a booth with a little boy.
"Young man, do you have your ticket?", asked the conductor.
iatepewdiepie are you being sarcastic about failing to detect yoyo200900 being sarcastic after chiding me for failing to detect that you were being sarcastic?
Suddenly, there's a horrendous sound of tearing metal as the guard rail rips itself out of the ground. Both the father and mother look at the child as if to say goodbye, and the RV tumbles down the side of the mountain. Both the trucker and child watch as it rolls more than a thousand feet. Along the way, a propane tank explodes, which sends the gas tank up as well. The ensuing fireball is big enough that they both feel heat from it. The girl, silent this whole time, finally screams. For a while, it's a wordless, primal shriek which fades into sobs. The trucker puts his arms around her and she cries into his chest. "My mom and dad," she says. "My dad's parents were with us too, and my mom's sister was with us. She was pregnant with my first cousin. And now they're all gone." Strangely, saying it out loud seems to calm her somewhat. The puppy she's been cradling in her lap this entire time lets out a small whimper. It's a Corgi, and he has a bone-shaped name tag on. The trucker sees that his name is Fido, and also that the dog's back is catastrophically broken. He licks the girl's hand and lets out one final weak bark, and then dies. This sends the girl into another wave of shrieking sobs. The trucker pulls her closer into his arms. "Man, you are just having the WORST day, aren't you?" he says as he unzips his pants.
deletedover 7 years
A trucker is driving through the mountains, heading through the winding dangerous passes nearly a mile above sea level. He's tired though and as he's coming around a curve, he doesn't realize that he's drifted into the left lane until he sees an oncoming RV, half of which is directly in front of him. There's no way to escape the wreck, and the two hit head on. Everything goes to slow motion. He watches the rear end of the vehicle both accordion towards the front and rise into the air, enslaved by inertia. He watches in horror as a little girl who can't be more than 7 or 8 years old is hurled through the windshield of the RV and onto the hood of his truck; she had a puppy in her lap before the crash and she's still hanging onto it as she flies through the air. Looking through the shattered glass, he can see at least four or five people in the back of the RV, bodies limply flailing. The family's RV is a big vehicle, but it's simply no match for the weight of the fully loaded semi and it's thrown towards the edge of the mountain where it catches on a guard rail, hanging precipitously over the steep slope. The trucker manages to stop a few feet away with the little girl still laying crumpled on the hood of his cab. He sees her eyes flutter open as he gets out to check on the family, and she starts to sit up. A door on the side of the RV flies open and a man climbs out onto the vehicle, which is now almost completely over the edge. He reaches down and grabs someone's arm to help them out. The trucker can see that it's the man's wife as her head pokes out of the door, and he can see that she's visibly relieved when she sees that her daughter is still alive.
