Epicmafia

To the center

deletedalmost 8 years

The object of this game is to get to the center of the Crab Nebula. You may use any means necessary. This will be difficult as you must choose how to get to the center of the crab nebula without fail. In other words, do anything that wont get you killed. For example, if you find a bear cave and choose to enter the cave, you more than likely will perish. You may only do one action at a time, I.E. "Walk to the supermarket" Will put your character inside of a supermarket nearest to you, unless of course there isn't one by. Don't forget, you're susceptible to any legality issues, and death is permanent (Unless you find a cure to it!)

You start in a field located 37.786233 Latitude, -100.119627 Longitude, Fairview, Kansas. To your North, the direction you face, there is a road. Behind you, to the South, and about 2 miles away, there is a main road (10534 US-400). It is approx. 12:38 PM, and traffic averages 3 cars/hour. You are hungry and thirsty. You must urinate. You are a scientific genius who has facial hair and an ingrown toenail that can affect the way you walk later on. What do you do?

deletedalmost 8 years

Butts says

sammy says

Protagonist:
You call Ross, your coworker.

The phone rings...

Your phone has no bars! The phone does the dial up tone.

Protagonist:
Stupid. Absolutely stupid. You hate this. You have no idea where you and you're trying to find your way back to Crab Nebula and no bars. What else can go wrong today?

You look around you. In the distance, a town can be seen. It is very far away, but can be seen nonetheless.

shadowstorm

almost 8 years

attempt to find a public bathroom

deletedalmost 8 years

thecolonel says

I volunteer to be my cellmate's b.i.t.c.h.

Your cellmate is completely straight but welcome you to be his friend. He gives you a hug, and a shiv.

thecolonel

almost 8 years

I volunteer to be my cellmate's b.i.t.c.h.

deletedalmost 8 years

thecolonel says

I resist

The police find you. They tackle you. They put you in handcuffs and put you in their squad car. They do background research about you and find multiple misdemeanors, as well as a stolen phone! You are being taken to the county jail. +1 Softness -3 Reputation
Welcome to Dodge City, kid.

deletedalmost 8 years

KinkajusRevenge says

Find a tree to pee on. Then start walking South-Southwest in a straight line.

There are no trees nearby. You pee on the ground. walking south-southwest lets you come upon the main road.

deletedalmost 8 years

Recidivism says

I find thecolonel and Let Loose the Hogs of War, killing him in my rampage. My charisma rises.

This is untrue. You have schizophrenia. To find other playes you must summon them or be summoned. -2 Sanity

KinkajusRevenge

almost 8 years

Find a tree to pee on. Then start walking South-Southwest in a straight line.

thecolonel

almost 8 years

I resist

deletedalmost 8 years

I find thecolonel and Let Loose the Hogs of War, killing him in my rampage. My charisma rises.

thecolonel

almost 8 years

Butts says

thecolonel says

Butts says

thecolonel says

I call NASA and tell them that alien life has made contact with me and given me instructions to speak to the crab king and they need to take me to the crab king

NASA hangs up on you.

I hang up on NASA first

This is useless. NASA tracks your phone and calls the police.

I hang up on the police and on anyone else who tries to get in my way

deletedalmost 8 years

Recidivism says

I thank the lady, then walk into the gas station and approach the cashier, insisting that I must acquire a huge stash of snacks and drinks and use their restroom as a matter of national security.. "A secret agent! Yeah, that's what I am. And I shouldn't even be saying that, but you have a certain thickness about you that I find very appealing." I say to the teller drunkenly as I begin to stock up

the person at the register decides you are too drunk to buy anything, but slips you her number. +1 Charisma *ACHIEVEMENT*: Ladies man

deletedalmost 8 years

I thank the lady, then walk into the gas station and approach the cashier, insisting that I must acquire a huge stash of snacks and drinks and use their restroom as a matter of national security.. "A secret agent! Yeah, that's what I am. And I shouldn't even be saying that, but you have a certain thickness about you that I find very appealing." I say to the teller drunkenly as I begin to stock up

deletedalmost 8 years

thecolonel says

Butts says

thecolonel says

I call NASA and tell them that alien life has made contact with me and given me instructions to speak to the crab king and they need to take me to the crab king

NASA hangs up on you.

I hang up on NASA first

This is useless. NASA tracks your phone and calls the police.

thecolonel

almost 8 years

Butts says

thecolonel says

I call NASA and tell them that alien life has made contact with me and given me instructions to speak to the crab king and they need to take me to the crab king

NASA hangs up on you.

I hang up on NASA first

deletedalmost 8 years

ATTENTION: EVERYONE ALIVE RECEIVES A CAREPACKAGE. INSIDE THERE IS A BOTTLE OF WATER AND A CAN OF BEANS.

deletedalmost 8 years

Maldito says

I make my way towards the main road

You find the main road to be clear to your left and right. You are hungry.

deletedalmost 8 years

Recidivism says

Butts says

Recidivism says

I, Sterling Archer, international super spy, walk along the high way and hitch-hike until I find someone willing to take me to a gas station.

After all, I am thirsty and I need to urinate, and all I've had to eat today is like 5 gummy bears and some scotch.

I will accept this backstory for terms of interdimensional winnings. The scotch has made you less likely to find someone willing to take you anywhere. It takes hours before you meet someone willing to take you anywhere. A car approaches.

"Nice car!" I say to the driver, who is female. "Your eyes are amazing. I mean not compared to your t.its, but, you know. Will you take me to a gas station?"

You happen to flatter the female driver. She agrees to taking you to a gas station. You have made it to Phillips 66 gas station. Welcome to Dodge City, kid. +1 Charisma +1 Adventurism +1 Luck

Maldito

almost 8 years

I make my way towards the main road

deletedalmost 8 years

Butts says

Recidivism says

I, Sterling Archer, international super spy, walk along the high way and hitch-hike until I find someone willing to take me to a gas station.

After all, I am thirsty and I need to urinate, and all I've had to eat today is like 5 gummy bears and some scotch.

I will accept this backstory for terms of interdimensional winnings. The scotch has made you less likely to find someone willing to take you anywhere. It takes hours before you meet someone willing to take you anywhere. A car approaches.

"Nice car!" I say to the driver, who is female. "Your eyes are amazing. I mean not compared to your t.its, but, you know. Will you take me to a gas station?"

deletedalmost 8 years

Recidivism says

I, Sterling Archer, international super spy, walk along the high way and hitch-hike until I find someone willing to take me to a gas station.

After all, I am thirsty and I need to urinate, and all I've had to eat today is like 5 gummy bears and some scotch.

I will accept this backstory for terms of interdimensional winnings. The scotch has made you less likely to find someone willing to take you anywhere. It takes hours before you meet someone willing to take you anywhere. A car approaches.

deletedalmost 8 years

I, Sterling Archer, international super spy, walk along the high way and hitch-hike until I find someone willing to take me to a gas station.

After all, I am thirsty and I need to urinate, and all I've had to eat today is like 5 gummy bears and some scotch.

deletedalmost 8 years

thecolonel says

I call NASA and tell them that alien life has made contact with me and given me instructions to speak to the crab king and they need to take me to the crab king

NASA hangs up on you.

deletedalmost 8 years

Maldito says

I pee in the open field to relieve myself and then make my way towards the main road and wave down a ride with a lady who is driving her 2 kids in a minivan.

You may only perform one action at a time. First action override. You pee in the field and feel relieved of all stress.

thecolonel

almost 8 years

I call NASA and tell them that alien life has made contact with me and given me instructions to speak to the crab king and they need to take me to the crab king