You are black pepper. While it is often overlooked in the pizza process, much like your dumb lobby, it is an essential part of the pizza spicing. It has a unique flavor and is universally loved!
You are pepperoni. One of the best toppings out there, it has a strange tangy--HEY WAIT A SECOND! This isn't real pepperoni! This is vegan pepperoni! It's fake pepperoni! You're fake!
You are black olives. I actually don't remember what black olives taste like at the moment, but I think they're kind of bitter. Are you bitter? I hope you feel better.
You are shrimp. You don't belong on pizza but an alarming amount of people will put you on it anyways instead of putting you to good use with a good coconut coating and a fryer full of peanut oil.
You are tuna. The worst kind of topping, there is too much of you and you go bad easily. You do nothing to make yourself better, you pander to the lowest of the low schools of fish and when caught all you can do is flounder.
You are vodka! The drink of a true soviet comrade. Soaking pizza in it would be a terrible idea, but so is socialism so I guess it works out in the end.
