Epicmafia

Vatican Vacation

over 8 years

This is a choose your own adventure game. I will allow 4-5 people to participate at any given time until I run out of ideas for this specific topic.

Several months ago, you journeyed to Europe in search of adventure. The plan was to backpack across the continent, drinking your way through country to country with no agenda but to live life to its fullest, Carpe Diem so they say..

Disappointingly, you've hardly done anything you planned to do, including eating, sleeping, and breathing all of the different amazing cultures.

The only thing you HAVE done is visit a bunch of old crumbled buildings, usually among other tourists. And today—the last day of your trip—is no different.

You’re at the Vatican, looking at the architecture with a tour group.

Your grand European adventure is on the verge of ending, and if you don’t do something soon, your trip will have been for naught.

A) Stray from the tour group and explore by yourself

B) Do calisthenics

C) Do groin stretches

D) Use the Vatican's toilet

deletedover 8 years

Satan says

You lick your chapped lips nervously.

The Pope raises his hand.

A) Yes Pope, go ahead.

B) Um you don't need to raise your hand, you are literally the spokesperson for God

I choose A

tzin

over 8 years

Satan says

kiIIua says

C)

"Well dude, thats cool but I need someone to babysit the pope, are you sane enough to understand what would happen if he got away? He would cause so much mischief."

A) I'll do it. I will popesit the baby (babysit the pope)

B) Yes ok sure

C) ummmm ok

A. sure ill do it but more importantly do i get infinite dollars for popesitting

Satan

over 8 years

rutab says

Satan says

The Pope remains silent.

A) Lick your chapped lips nervously

B) Audibly scratch your dry face skin with your fingernails

A

OH i missed yours many apologies. See how important it is to quote it rutab??

You lick your chapped lips nervously.

The Pope raises his hand.

A) Yes Pope, go ahead.

B) Um you don't need to raise your hand, you are literally the spokesperson for God

Satan

over 8 years

kiIIua says

C)

"Well dude, thats cool but I need someone to babysit the pope, are you sane enough to understand what would happen if he got away? He would cause so much mischief."

A) I'll do it. I will popesit the baby (babysit the pope)

B) Yes ok sure

C) ummmm ok

Satan

over 8 years

justrec says

Satan says

justrec says

A

You say (A) "So, you're the Pope, huh"

The Pope nods slyly and raises his hand.

How do you respond to such a thing?

A) Ahem, yes Pope, you have a question?

B) Wow, Pope, you don't have to raise your hand, you are basically the mouthpiece of Our Lord and Savior, please go ahead.

A

"I need to make toilet," said the pope with a strained face.

A) Sorry bub, you gotta stay put.

B) Well, uh...quickly now.

deletedover 8 years

Satan says

The Pope remains silent.

A) Lick your chapped lips nervously

B) Audibly scratch your dry face skin with your fingernails

A

tzin

over 8 years

Satan says

kiIIua says

B) Stay silent
wheres the option to kill him

You chose (B) to stay silent.

The guard asks "Can you even talk?"

You say:

A) "No"

B) "Yes"

C) "I am from the future, talking is a waste when you can just talk into peoples heads. I am not a murderer. I was telling you that with my thoughts"

C) "I am from the future, talking is a waste when you can just talk into peoples heads. I am not a murderer. I was telling you that with my thoughts"
you know what satan im really enjoying these options

justrec

over 8 years

Satan says

justrec says

A

You say (A) "So, you're the Pope, huh"

The Pope nods slyly and raises his hand.

How do you respond to such a thing?

A) Ahem, yes Pope, you have a question?

B) Wow, Pope, you don't have to raise your hand, you are basically the mouthpiece of Our Lord and Savior, please go ahead.

Satan

over 8 years

justrec says

A

You say (A) "So, you're the Pope, huh"

The Pope nods slyly and raises his hand.

How do you respond to such a thing?

A) Ahem, yes Pope, you have a question?

B) Wow, Pope, you don't have to raise your hand, you are basically the mouthpiece of Our Lord and Savior, please go ahead.

Satan

over 8 years

kiIIua says

B) Stay silent
wheres the option to kill him

You chose (B) to stay silent.

The guard asks "Can you even talk?"

You say:

A) "No"

B) "Yes"

C) "I am from the future, talking is a waste when you can just talk into peoples heads. I am not a murderer. I was telling you that with my thoughts"

justrec

over 8 years

Satan says

justrec says

A

You chose to timidly say hello.

“He's not gonna eat your corpse or anything, just talk to him like normal."

"Alright then, looks like you’ve got a good grasp on things. I’ll be back in a bit, but seriously please don’t let the Pope leave this room.”

You nod reassuringly. The guard leaves, and suddenly it’s just you and His Holiness alone in the room.

Sitting across from you, the Pope stares silently. Looks like it’s up to you to start the conversation.

A) So, you're the Pope, huh?

B) You are....the Pope?

C) If I am understanding this situation correctly, you are the Pope, otherwise known as God's vice president?

tzin

over 8 years

Satan says

kiIIua says

B) Noisily run down the corridor with little regard for your life, kind of like what a rabies inflicted chimpanzee would do.

in fact i am a rabies-inflicted chimpanzee

You run into a man wearing armor. He reveals himself to be the guard of the Pope himself.

"Are you a murderer?" he asks.

A) Insist you are not a murderer.

B) Stay silent

B) Stay silent
wheres the option to kill him

Satan

over 8 years

I will be gone all day today so please leave your actions.

deletedover 8 years

Satan

over 8 years

rutab says

I pick A

The Pope remains silent.

A) Lick your chapped lips nervously

B) Audibly scratch your dry face skin with your fingernails

Satan

over 8 years

kiIIua says

B) Noisily run down the corridor with little regard for your life, kind of like what a rabies inflicted chimpanzee would do.

in fact i am a rabies-inflicted chimpanzee

You run into a man wearing armor. He reveals himself to be the guard of the Pope himself.

"Are you a murderer?" he asks.

A) Insist you are not a murderer.

B) Stay silent

deletedover 8 years

I pick A

tzin

over 8 years

B) Noisily run down the corridor with little regard for your life, kind of like what a rabies inflicted chimpanzee would do.

in fact i am a rabies-inflicted chimpanzee

Satan

over 8 years

rutab says

C

"Yes, who else would I be referring to in Vatican City?"

"Alright, well I have to go now, sorry for not making any introductions. I’ll be back in a bit, but seriously please don’t let the Pope leave this room.”

You nod reassuringly. The guard leaves, and suddenly it’s just you and His Holiness alone in the room.

Sitting across from you, the Pope stares silently. Looks like it’s up to you to start the conversation.

A) So, you're the Pope, huh?

B) You are....the Pope?

C) If I am understanding this situation correctly, you are the Pope, otherwise known as God's vice president?

Satan

over 8 years

justrec says

A

You chose to timidly say hello.

“He's not gonna eat your corpse or anything, just talk to him like normal."

"Alright then, looks like you’ve got a good grasp on things. I’ll be back in a bit, but seriously please don’t let the Pope leave this room.”

You nod reassuringly. The guard leaves, and suddenly it’s just you and His Holiness alone in the room.

Sitting across from you, the Pope stares silently. Looks like it’s up to you to start the conversation.

A) So, you're the Pope, huh?

B) You are....the Pope?

C) If I am understanding this situation correctly, you are the Pope, otherwise known as God's vice president?

deletedover 8 years

Satan says

rutab says

B

You disclose your one doobie experiment before accounting class.

"Well damn, you are a hardened criminal" Laughed the guard.

"Just kidding, you must be cool, can you do me a favor and keep an eye on His Holiness for me?" Asked the guard. "It will only be a few minutes."

A) uuuuuh okay

B) Nahhhh

C) His Holiness...as in...The Pope??

jack

over 8 years

Satan says

You choose to ask to consult with God directly.

Turok guides you through a series of increasingly wet and narrow tunnels, ultimately leading to a cavernous, empty room where you find yourself face-to-face with the Lord Of All Creation, God.

Right away, you observe that God’s appearance differs from most of the artistic depictions you’ve seen, mainly in that He is basically just a really big cantaloupe.

“Hello,” He says to you. “I am God.”

A) Hi, God

B) Hey

A, i do enjoy cantaloupe

justrec

over 8 years

Satan says

justrec says

A

You chose to agree to watch the Pope.

"Great thanks, come on in." said the guard.

"I'll introduce ya to him."

“Pope, I’ve got a new friend for you to meet,” the guard says to the leader of the world’s 1 billion Roman Catholics, who is currently standing a little more than four feet in front of you like it's no big deal at all. Just chillin' like buds.

“He’s gonna be in charge for a little while, so don’t give him any trouble, okay?”

A) Timidly say hello to the pope

B) Say Hi but very slowly because you are not sure if he is understanding you

Satan

over 8 years

jack says

Satan says

jack says

hi grandma! miss u. oh and A

“I am afraid I cannot disclose this information,” says Turok.

“The Pope is a privileged patron of the Eternal Kingdom, and those who wish to know his location must either consult with God directly or bite their own willy off as a sign of good faith.”

A) Ask to consult with God directly

B) Bite off your willy

A

You choose to ask to consult with God directly.

Turok guides you through a series of increasingly wet and narrow tunnels, ultimately leading to a cavernous, empty room where you find yourself face-to-face with the Lord Of All Creation, God.

Right away, you observe that God’s appearance differs from most of the artistic depictions you’ve seen, mainly in that He is basically just a really big cantaloupe.

“Hello,” He says to you. “I am God.”

A) Hi, God

B) Hey

jack

over 8 years

Satan says

jack says

hi grandma! miss u. oh and A

“I am afraid I cannot disclose this information,” says Turok.

“The Pope is a privileged patron of the Eternal Kingdom, and those who wish to know his location must either consult with God directly or bite their own willy off as a sign of good faith.”

A) Ask to consult with God directly

B) Bite off your willy