I've always journaled my thoughts privately, but I really like how other people share their days on here, and I think it could be nice for me to do, too. So this is something of a diary for me to look back on. I update when I can or I think to, and I thumbs up a comment once I've read it.
Which brings me to my other addition, which is that I won't be moving in for awhile longer than I expected -- possibly not until the very very end of this month, or early February. Which is beyond frustrating, but it is what it is. The carpets of the new house really need to be steam cleaned (my attic room once-upon-a-time had a mice problem, and while we took complete care of that, there is still minor staining on the carpet and we'd rather just fully make sure the place is spotless and hygenic before move-in). But instead of renting a steam cleaner, my parents decided to order one yesterday. And it won't arrive for about a week. And then we have to steam clean it, and then move our furniture in. So yeah... about two weeks.
Which leads me to my other issue, which was that I need a job. I wanted to wait until we moved in, but I really don't want to wait another two weeks to even start applying, because I don't know what the job market is like here. So this morning I applied to three places as a receptionist -- a bank, a counseling scheduling center, and a flower shop. The counseling scheduling center pays the most, and is full time, and since I'm not currently in school, that would be such a great fit. However... I absolutely adore flowers and plants.
I really think writing these things down in a public format helps me in a few ways. One, I know people read it, and people enjoy it, and that's so great. I know I like peering into other peoples lives, so I know what that appeal is like. That makes me remember to open up this site every now and again and write whatever has been happening, because people will read it and enjoy it, and also because it feels like I'm being heard. It almost keeps me accountable in a way, even though I don't have to be doing this, and no one could read it, and that's totally fine.
Another is that I get to reread what I've written from the beginning, or the day before, or whatever day, and that's really nice to reflect on. I mentioned awhile ago that I started journaling, and that stopped when I moved because there's no light in this room. Also, all my nice pens, stickers, tape -- all that fun stuff is packed up in my second suitcase, the one with appliances and cords and documents and all the 'other' stuff (for reference, my first suitcase mostly is just clothes and medicine and toiletries). I don't dare open that second suitcase until we're moved in.
I've been spending a bit of my money over the course of a few days, and stressing about it, but honestly it's been one of the few things bringing me happiness. I bought a small desk calendar from one of my favorite artists, themed around cats. I got those Lush things. I also bought a pair of secondhand flapper-esque shoes off of Depop (kind of like Craigslist but for secondhand clothing, a mobile app), and I bought two vintage nightgowns (which I've always wanted one of -- and it was a sale if you bought two, so...).
I know I should be saving that money, but I feel like it's a little justified because my mood went way up and I'm excited for these things to arrive. I'm done spending money for now, on frivolous stuff I don't need anyway. I need to get a job soon, but I don't want to even apply for jobs until we're in our new house. My resume is for office/receptionist positions, which means I need room to put on a nice blouse, do my hair and makeup, iron my slacks or skirt, etc. And when I'm living on an air mattress in the corner of my parents room, trying not to take up any more space with my 2 suitcases, everything has wrinkles in it, and the lighting is absolutely awful (there's a lamp in this room as it's only lighting, and it's half burnt out). And again, one bathroom. I don't want to start a job until I have a space of my own, a bathroom to get ready in, and my clothes hanging up.
So it's just a waiting game now. My parents are at the house right now cleaning it up, taking old curtains down, dusting and bleaching things. There's my update for now. Today I'm going to try and relax, since I've been working on the house, cooking, and going to stores all week.
The rest of the water aversion is just how it feels on my skin, how long it takes to get dry, how clothes stick to you when you're wet. I have no other sensory issues besides this water thing really, but it's one that has affected me forever. I used to live in Hawaii, and my entire family loves to swim, loves the beach. I hated it, for obvious reasons. I hated the salt water, how the sand would stick to me when I got even the slightest bit damp, how my parents (namely my mom) would get furious at me for refusing to get into the water and, if I gave in, being more furious that I wasn't enjoying it.
So I buy myself cute bath bombs and shower gels and sparkly, sugary things for the bathroom to try to reward myself for bathing regularly. That may sound dumb, but it's been working for months, so I justify the expense, even though money is really tight for me right now with moving and not having a job.
Another big part of who I am and getting to know me; I hate the water. I hate getting wet, at all. Pools, baths, showers, even washing my hands I hate (but I still do). My friends call me a cat because of it, but it really bugs me when I'm wet, and I used to go days and days without bathing and taking shortcuts like dry shampoo and lotion and whatever else to make me smell nice without actually getting wet. One reason I hate showering/getting in the bath is that I'm vulnerable, and if the house were to catch fire and I needed to leave, I'd be naked, and wet, and cold, etc. My house has burnt to the ground once, so that's probably why I feel that so strongly. Another similar reason is that I grew up in a very abusive household, physically and verbally. People would stomp, shout, throw things, bang things, etc. constantly, and being in the bath or shower, where things are hard to hear what's going on outside the bathroom because of the bathroom fan or the water running is very stressful for me, even if I'm at a friend's house in the shower -- the tiniest bump outside the bathroom sends me into a panic. Even being home alone, I'll trick myself into thinking I'm hearing things.
Bboy you're already on the list from commenting a month ago, silly. And Jbob, I've actually... never cooked cookies, ever. I'm not that good at baking... anything stovetop though I'm divine at.
I'm having a really bad pain flare up. I was supposed to have a full date-day with my boyfriend, but with how bad my legs are right now I can't do anything, even watch a movie. So I'm heading to bed soon. I ordered a few things from Lush because they're having a sale and I love frilly, smell-good things, and bath/shower products help me with my water aversion.
deletedover 6 years
can I have nice things said about me on the side please? I'm very self-conscious so watch what you say! LOL jk you don't have to but it would be much appreciated.
Almost... nothing has changed since two weeks ago, my last post. I'm still in this tiny bedroom with my parents, I'm still cooking all the time (it's keeping me sane), and I'm beyond tense with no space to call my own. Six people in a house... one bathroom. You can guess the arguments.
But we're hopefully moving into the house soon. We're slowly cleaning it out (the previous residents left a ton of furniture, rugs, boxes, filing cabinets... you name it) and making major adjustments. There was a hole in the bathroom ceiling, a hole in the second floor hallway from a broken board, the railing up to my attic room was loose and had a few stray nails poking out, etc. The house needs a lot of love, but it's ours and that's what matters.
That's my update for now. I'm reading Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo and Uprooted by Naomi Novik currently, and loving Walk the Moon's newest album, namely the songs Press Restart and Hurricane.
Small update, since I'm emotionally exhausted, but I got to Pennsylvania safely. I'm living with my family (mom, dad, two brothers) in my grandmother's house (my dad's mom). It's a three bedroom house, which means I have to share the master bedroom with my parents (on a floor bed across the room) which is... not optimal, but it is what it is. I haven't seen the outside world because I passed out in the car ride from the airport, and slept when we got to the house too, and slept all day today.
I am crazy about cooking and food. I used to go out to eat at new restaurants (mostly Indian or Asian cuisine) all the time in Washington but those are... nonexistent in this town, at least in a 30-45 minute radius. So tomorrow I'm going out with my dad to some grocery stores to buy ingredients to make my favorite dishes myself, and hopefully that will get me out of bed. I've been trying to eat more ethically, and trying to adopt things from a vegan lifestyle, though I by all means am not and will not be going vegan. But things like opting for tofu when I have no preference over the meat, or using coconut or almond milk instead of dairy aren't that hard, and my stomach doesn't really like dairy anyway.
I got the Kindle Paperwhite for Christmas, so I've been rereading some of my favorite books in my downtime. That's about it, I'll write about my last days in Washington another day.
If you don't hear from me/have tried to message me/etc, I either didn't see your message or have been swamped with calling my relatives back home and letting them know I got here safely and whatnot. Y'know... the whole moving thing.
My friends and I had our gift exchange yesterday. I got a lot of Korean snacks and candies, which I adore, and a Sailor Moon blanket. I took some polaroid pictures for my journal, and we made Japanese curry because it's soft enough for my best friend to eat post-surgery. She's ridiculously excited about not having her mouth wired shut anymore, so much so that she ate so much rice that she gave herself a stomach ache.
I have been pretty irritable lately, and a lot of things have been setting me off. And by 'setting me off,' I mean very internally. I don't lash out at people or comment things or the like, but I kind of implode and wait for my red rage to boil over. This probably has to due with the stress of moving and also (TMI) my period being 72 days late and just arriving yesterday. I am in pain and I am grumpy and my Christmas presents for others are arriving late.
Otherwise, I'm ridiculously busy. Today and tomorrow are my last shifts at work, and the holiday season, like any job, is hellish, especially at a hotel. Then there's Christmas eve, where I'm cooking and spending the night with my best friends. Then there's Christmas, which is... the standard Christmas. The 26th and 27th, I am packing up to move.
And on the 28th, I'm leaving the house at 4am to get to the airport.
If I don't talk to you much for awhile, I'm not ignoring you -- or, well, technically I am, but I'll get back to you eventually, once the craziness dies down.
Star Wars sure was... something! The porgs delivered though.
I went to the hospital with my nana today, and the traffic, as expected, was horrendous. They're moving the train cars currently, I believe.
I'm at my best friend's house tonight, and I fell asleep hours ago, and just woke back up. It's almost 1am. I have a headache because I fell asleep in jeans, two sweaters and Leia space buns.
My best friend had her jaw surgery, which I'm not sure I touched on yet. The left side of her jaw, for years, has been wearing down on the bone, to the point that the joint that she opens and closes her mouth on that side is jagged. She had surgery to fix that on the 7th, and she had her mouth wired shut so it could heal without her opening and closing her mouth and possibly ruining it. Tomorrow she gets the wires taken off so she'll be able to eat mushy/soft foods finally -- she's been on a liquid diet for two weeks. Which is torture, because we both love cooking. While she's out getting her wires removed and her post-op checkup done, I'm going to make her Japanese curry and rice, because both are really soft.
Not much of an update, but this is my life currently. I leave in a week from today officially.
deletedover 6 years
Ah, I see that you're a woman of culture as well. The em dash is truly the closest thing to perfection that humanity has ever created. God bless you.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and a half now. And we’ve been getting into arguments and tense little spats weekly now, when we never would before. which I suppose is normal, especially in every relationship I’ve had before, but it’s still wearing on me. If you’ve ever really interacted with me outside of an EM game, you know I communicate a lot — almost impulsively, really. If there’s a misunderstanding or a fight, I immediately try to remedy it, by analyzing if I’ve done something wrong, what I’d like to happen differently next time for success, what can be done moving forward, etc. I feel very confident in this, and it almost always works. I do this when my boyfriend and I are fighting too; and again, it almost always works. But the behavior on both of our sides keeps persisting in new ways, us butting heads, as if we’re ill-suited. And it’s driving me crazy.
I don’t want relationship advice, I’m just venting because I can’t sleep! It’s 6:15am and I have my cat curled up with me. Things have actually been good lately with my boyfriend, and we always resolve our issues completely before moving on, so there’s no build-up/residue carrying over for later. But it’s something I’m keeping an active eye out for, y’know?
Anyway, I’m going to see Star Wars: The Last Jedi this afternoon, so I should get some sleep. Sooo excited for the porgs!
A lot of you know that I live in Washington state, USA. And a lot more of you know that yesterday, one of our Amtrak trains derailed and killed at least 3 people. I drive under the bridge that the train derailed on every week. I know someone (not very personally, but I know them) who was in the train and has both hips broken, and a fractured spine. As far as I'm aware, they're doing okay. But it's shaken me a lot, especially since I work at a hotel so close to the incident. You can imagine the things I'm hearing from people.
For reference, I live in Lacey. The train derailment happened at exactly the marker on this map. Seven minutes away.
It's not about me, but it's very scary and emotional for me to have something so tragic happen to my hometown and not be able to do anything about it -- I can't give blood, and I'm leaving soon. We'll know more in a few days, but right now it's confusing and sad.
I added some more tags, and I'll probably finish the lot in a few days.
Not much of an update today otherwise, but I am currently at work. This is my last week at work before I move, so I'm saying my goodbyes to guests and my coworkers. One guest gave me a $25 Visa giftcard, and that was really sweet. I leave the 28th, so about a week or so, and I'm focusing on preparing for Christmas and spending time with my loved ones before I go to Pennsylvania.
