Well they are freestyles, yeah, but I think they're pretty well constructed freestyles.
deletedalmost 8 years
for perfect reference, im bringing up Hamilton whitepimp. wordplay.
In this scene, Hamilton's three poltiical enemies are accusing him of stealing money from the government for personal reasons but instead something else entirely was happening. Listen to his defense after he got accused. The ending words rhymed, but listen to to the middle lines between them. They all are very significant.
sonseray yours is not even worth critiquing because im pretty sure you're just doing it to f*ck around. whitepimp noticeably tried hard with his so i'm trying to make him better
deletedalmost 8 years
I want to know what the flaw in my work is, not his. Not only do I think I'm an amazing rapper, but I've even got small town underground scene cred .
deletedalmost 8 years
i pointed out a very specific flaw in his work, and two people acted like i didn't do that, and then tell him how to fix it.
again, flow is important. what i saw from whitepimp's work was good use of rhyme sometimes but the path to get there was rushed. he just came up with two words that rhymed and then went on a marathon to link them together. the journey between then is also supposed to have significance but it is irrelevant in what he did
I bet if Whitepimp was actually black Lono would think that was great.
deletedalmost 8 years
how can you quote a constructiive criticism post and ask me where my constructive criticism is?
deletedalmost 8 years
your flow was terrible, you cant just cramp in a bunch of sh!t into one line to try and make it rhyme and make sense, you just sound rushed and bad. i swear everytime i hear a person who knows nothing about rap try to rap, their flow is all over the place and they speed up their lines out of nowhere. flow is important people
I will respond to whitepimp's tomorrow. Nice job white pimp!
However, I resent you comparing me to white pimp here Lono.
I rap at open mic nights and am usually very well received by people of all ethnicities.
Not sure if you have any constructive criticism beyond "too white" . It's not like I'm about to start dropping N bombs to boost my street cred.
deletedalmost 8 years
your flow was terrible, you cant just cramp in a bunch of sh!t into one line to try and make it rhyme and make sense, you just sound rushed and bad. i swear everytime i hear a person who knows nothing about rap try to rap, their flow is all over the place and they speed up their lines out of nowhere. flow is important people
so writing rap = writing poetry
yes, rap is poetry
deletedalmost 8 years
your flow was terrible, you cant just cramp in a bunch of sh!t into one line to try and make it rhyme and make sense, you just sound rushed and bad. i swear everytime i hear a person who knows nothing about rap try to rap, its flow all over the place and speeding up their lines out of nowhere. flow is important people
Hell yeah I can cram a bunch of sh!t into one line. I just did it. lmao