it ain't just of indoctrination btw, it's of belief. it's because it makes sense, in a way. all that is you, is your choices in this world. if there's anything that this might all be for, it's for the who you choose to be. it's a frightening thing to be free, and it's the only thing, really.
you know, of people who say they don't believe in god or an afterlife or whatever, if you sneakily bring death into it, just get the person thinking of death, then question them on morality and such like things, automatically they'll switch to a regard that's very much theistic, unbeknownst to themselves of course, it's embedded deep within their psyches, this sort of moralistic hedge against the unknown, whatever devils might be hiding there.
have you experienced the death of a loved one, empire? like a real loved one. not some relative you saw every once in a while, but someone who helped hold up your world
Speaking of blessings I left off Chance's Coloring Book which is a shame, great uplifting but real album and I love the gospel theme. I should note that despite that and my repeated used of "blessing" I'm not religious whatsoever.
Oh, and I keep thinking of reasons people think I'm a knob. Another is just that I really, really love mafia and don't play it for social hour, which means when I play I'm not the friendliest and am in a very "Let's get to business" mindset. Most people don't share that mindset which leads to them either disliking my approach or even getting the wrong idea entirely about me. Truth is I just really love mafia.
I really do invite people to give their opinion of me and why you think I'm X or Y or Z, though. You can answer xJuicy's question better than I can.
Also, another reason I'm a nob is that I definitely think I'm better than the vast majority of people even though I know I shouldn't.
It's true (or false) depending on your measuring stick, but all of the measuring sticks are meaningless.
Further, I don't believe in free will. I did not choose or make myself the way I am or earn my achievements the way most thing. I was blessed, blessed to live, blessed to have a certain disposition, blessed to be intelligent, blessed to experience anything at all. It has all been given to me, not earned, and when I am better in something it is not because I deserve it more but because I am fortunate.
All that I have been giving is a blessing, not an entitlement, and I forget that at times.
I mentioned above that at times I am but overall I think no. I have an ego problem but a lot of it is just that I want to be the best I can be and do whatever it takes to get there. I don't become the best player, for instance, by passing away hammers that are difficult. I've got big dreams, and that requires me to learn a lot and to make difficult decisions, and that requires me to fail.
There are definitely dark spots, mentally where my own insecurities flare up and I take it out on other people-ask Rutab.
I also spent all of the ages 13-16 trying to prove my own intellect because I was so insecure about it, and I was quite the little ragebaby.
I think I always do the right thing in the end, though, and try hard to not just tell myself I'm going to be better but to actually make it so. I can't really answer this question fairly, so someone else can do this if they want (And even feel free to explain your own reason for/against me being a nob) I don't really know you. Yes Nope Nope I missed one, sorry. No idea.
Another note kind of relating to insecurity but also a tangent, it's very rare to get someone who really, truly does not care what you think-whether it be about them or their play-and it tends to rub people the wrong way. Insulting someone flaming you may light a match, but saying "That's okay" is like throwing a can of gasoline on a small fire from my experience. I used to have logs of me saying nothing but "Ok" and playing the game while people screamed at me for 20+ minutes.
I blow entire games, people get mad at me, and I shrug my shoulders and say I'll do better next time, I want to be the best player I can be, and that often rubs people the wrong way.
Nobody enjoys seeing that their opinion is being considered valueless, not just in the "I don't care" back and forth for 20 minutes way but in the "I'm not even going to look at it" way. And rightfully so-it's arrogant of me to discard them, but I don't always have the luxury of the time to go over every single critique unless I have reason to think it's valid.
A lot of reasons, and obviously I can't answer for all of them.
One of the most common reasons, in my opinion, is their own insecurity. A lot of the time I'm condescending, but usually I'm going out of my way to not be. A lot of the time, especially when I was a bit more active a few months ago, you'd see people defending themselves in comparison to me, usually their intelligence but also their play. This would be normal, had I ever said anything that called into question-directly or indirectly-either of those things, but 90% of the time I didn't. A lot of the time people get defensive about it and I would sit there bewildered. They don't read what I'm saying and just assume that whatever image they've conjured of me is there, and that image is one of superiority. Part of this is probably my fault, but a lot of it is simply not reading what I've written and seeing ghosts.
Another is that at times I really can be condescending if you catch me at a bad time. I try really hard to avoid it, but I'm not perfect, and especially the past few weeks I've been slipping up a bit.
Another is that I was truly vicious, both a rager and 10x as arrogant, regularly prior to 2015 and still occasionally have those moments if I'm in a particularly bad spot mentally.
Another is people assume I have no social skills because I don't care about socializing on a mafia website. That one's always amusing.
I'm sure there are many, many more reasons. I haven't always been a great person, I've gotten better but there are always lows.
It's okay. No idea. Tough one. 1. good kid m.A.A.d city by Kendrick Lamar 2. Is This It by The Strokes 3. Man on the Moon Part II: The Legend of Mr. Rager 4. Graduation by Kanye West 5. Pinkerton by Weezer
First is just a perfect album cover to cover, both in its narratives and its melodies.
Second has a lot of personal meaning to me-I strongly associate the album with my last two years of high school. It's additionally just a fantastic album, I'm particularly fond of the first 2/3s of it (Both versions, up to "When It Started")
Third is a terribly underrated album with both an interesting, dark narrative and terrific, almost spatial beats to match. It's gotten me through a lot of my more critical periods of introspection, jumping in and out of my catalog over the years.
Fourth is I love Kanye, I think it's his worst album together with 808s (with 808s being at least a lot more innovative) but it's my personal favorite. I had major confidence issues in my freshman/sophomore year and Graduation, Kanye's victory lap, is good for confidence building. And "worst Kanye album" is still a fantastic album.
Fifth is more the past year. It's a very touching and heartfelt album through and through, at times funny, at times tragic, at times both.
It was really tough to limit myself to 5 albums. Honorable mentions go to old listens (All Kanye but especially Late Registration, Hot Fuss+Sam's Town by The Killers, The Wall by Pink Floyd, Illmatic by Nas, Straight Outta Compton by NWA, Wolf by Tyler the Creator, Fear of a Black Panet by Public Enemy, Lonerism+Currents by Tame Impala, Carrie & Lowell by Sufjan Stevens, Worlds by Porter Robinson, the list goes on and on, all vary in their quality and personal meaning to me)
