the last time i reached out to someone who's as close to a best friend as i've had for a decade his response was more or less "get a dog" and it just reminded me of why i should keep everything inside
yeah pretty much the only people i've ever felt comfortable talking to about my life are people that i've helped through similar issues because i've been burned way too many times by well meaning people who love me and care about me and at this point all i need is the tiniest shred of resonance, which can be remarkably hard to find sometimes
if you're capable of venting to others and having said others not spew garbage back in your face it's a fantastic resource, though
deletedover 8 years
I used to keep a journal when i was depressed, and i'd staple the pages shut, that way no one could ever read it without me finding out
deletedover 8 years
i have a journal via skype logs of me venting to people.
i always tell depressed people to keep a journal because there's no better resource for seeing how far you've incrementally come, even without any long term goals, but let's be honest sometimes the last thing you want to do when you feel like hot garbage is write about how you feel like hot garbage
deletedover 8 years
we are all subject to Sisyphus' torment, honestly.
deletedover 8 years
to each their own i guess. don't make longterm goals. make short term goals and build momentum. motivation is a muscle you strengthen through usage, not a pool which fills when you let it be.
basically any goal you set when severely depressed is like playing jenga and if you set the wrong goal the entire tower comes crashing down and you're back to square one
fun fact longterm goals are fcuking useless when you don't actually care about seeing tomorrow
imo long term goals should be 100% off the table but i can only really speak to my own condition with that one; in my experiences helping people through less severe bouts of depression long term goals can sometimes provide a light at the end of the tunnel but they're absolutely not for everyone
I don't understand these threads because I've heard this stuff over 50000 times but I can never actually make a longterm goal which is my downfall; I think it's more laziness and no motivation because I ask myself a lot: what's the point
and yeah i agree that small goal setting is super super important but having someone check in on you can be absolutely soul crushing if you failed to accomplish said goal for whatever reason
the guys that rub herbal tea on someone's tumor just want to help, too
deletedover 8 years
well, you ought to try anyway.
deletedover 8 years
bill your right but the issue is at some point you have to find a way to take those first few steps and ramp your way up. 's why i said start slow.
something that has helped me a lot in the past in taking those first few steps when you have no momentum whatsoever is setting really small goals and telling them to a friend who will check in on me later.
and when i say really small goals i mean really small goals. like, showering and getting dressed in fresh clothes. or tidying up a small space. or going to bed at a certain hour.
sometimes all a depressed person needs to hear is "it's okay"
not "it's gonna be okay" or "you'll get better" or some feeling of theoretical future hopefulness that isn't the faintest glimmer of hope to an actual depressed person, just a "i accept you and your condition and i'm here for you, regardless of whether i totally understand what's happening to you or not"
i know they mean well and it's why i'm trying not to be a caustic shitbaby about this thing that normally turns me into a caustic shitbaby (editor's note: i'm bad at not being a caustic shitbaby). at the same time it's really hard to just say to someone "you can't help them, sorry" and have them actually believe it. ultimately well intentioned advice can be EXTREMELY harmful and that's something that's important to get across because it's not something most people think about when they try to help
basically if you want to give advice to someone with depression you should imagine waking up every day with a 100 pound weight tied to your chest and before you make any suggestion you should imagine how difficult your suggestion would be for yourself with said weight tied to your torso
it's an imperfect analogy but in my experience it's the closest thing i've found to helping people begin to understand that they don't know what it's like and no amount of spoonfed societal good wishes are going to make someone feel less alone
deletedover 8 years
I respect where BillStickers is coming from. From someone who has dealt with depression for almost half of my life, it's not always easy as getting fresh air, eating right, and socializing. But clearly there's a big portion of the community who has their heart in the right place. Don't belittle them for trying. Different things work for different people. Sometimes getting out helps, sometimes medication is the answer, and sometimes absolutely nothing works. At the end of the day, there is never harm in knowing that someone out there DOES care- even if they're off base a little. Don't smack down their efforts.
deletedover 8 years
oh i know. i just recently started my 5th antidepressant. if this one doesnt work its magic i'm getting lithium.
i'm very pro-medication, even if only used as a temporary stabilizer, but "see a doctor" isn't exactly hard hitting advice when told to you by someone who you feel like doesn't "get" it. it's also far from a miracle cure; getting an individual's biological cocktail right is fukcing HARD and doesn't really get the respect as a process that it deserves
