I've existed on this corner of the internet for 6 long years, each one with it's own personal impact on me. I don't want to go too far into detail as it would end up drivel, but sitting here and thinking about how one website pretty much shaped my growing as a person is pretty tremendous. I always feel like EM has been a precursory memory that I relive, each with a different perspective. The perspective I'm in right now is that I want to move forward with my life instead of clinging to something habitual. I don't really interact with the community and I isolate myself from everyone, as I don't feel I affiliate with any social clique.

I used to think that was merely 'who i was' but recently I've had a change of heart. I don't want to be like that anymore but I feel that trying to seek out that type of change here simply won't cut it. It's not that the people here are bad, it's just that I'm already so acquainted to them. There's a lot of people here who I consider close friends and those I respect, even if I don't reach out to them. There's also people who I've done wrong and turned away from, or perhaps they turned away from me, but I don't hold it against them either. People come and go in phases, that's simply part of life.

I wear my heart on my sleeve and It's always something I resented. It's not hard to read my emotions because I'm usually willing to give them, my full sentiment written like a blank check. I don't care what most people think of me outside of those who personally know me or I've plainly stated that I do care about what they think of me. It's not really fair to people who are kind to me that I merely act so isolated and what is seemingly 'reserved' when the fact of the matter is that I don't really know how to reach out to people, or connect with them. I either feel I'm too strong or not strong enough.

I realize that being here is not developing my social skills in a blunt way to put it, and I realize that I am tired of living this life of solitude where I block only selective people out, and even then, I haven't really been talking to them either. I'm really sorry for that and you are my motivation to turn myself around. I'm also sorry to those who I tried to reach out to, maybe got to know on a romantic level (or something close to it) just for it to not work out. I sometimes wish it did and I could have the red carpet treatment of posting comments to each other back and forth on each others wall and maybe even cheating for a trophy or two. That's only sometimes though, and I don't really think it'd make me happy. That's probably why I stopped caring in general, because I realized it wasn't making me happy.

I don't know what else to say outside of thanks. Thanks for getting to know me in the bits and pieces I shared, and thanks for making me feel like I had somewhat of a home, even if it were a bit dysfunctional. I'm glad those who got to know me, even if it were a little.

Those who still want to stay in contact can privately message me, or if you want to say a couple of parting words that's fine too.

Take care.