It's taken me a long time to build one of the most important skills in my life that you might not believe I didn't have, even while you played this game with me. That skill is confidence. I'm going to explain what I mean when I say the word confidence, explain how I gained confidence, and how confident I am, as well as other peoples level of confidence and its importance. When I was very young, maybe ten years old, I had a lot of confidence because I was never really impeded by external threats to the quality of my life. I just want to express my hatred for all classes of people when I say that, as there isn't a single instant in my ten year old life that called for me to become uncertain. I was forced artificially into uncertainty by others, my family, my friends, and my teachers. Other kids didn't get the same exposure to this because other kids didn't have parents who lacked confidence and looked for guidance from other people as grown adults, only to be told by those adults how to cause more problems than my parents would fix.

Let me go over a few things about myself when I was ten years old. I never masturbated or had ideas about intercourse. I never wanted to smoke or drink or do drugs of any sort because I was happy with my reality. I never intentionally did something to make anybody else upset. I was always inquisitive. These parts of my nature have been continuously attacked by my peers who they themselves do all of these things. My entire childhood life and even the beginning of my adult hood was impeded more so than a man who goes to prisons life is. Think about it. A man goes to prison for five years and loses five years of his life that he could have been using to better himself? I'v lost maybe twenty years of my life unable to do anything because I didn't have the resources or confidence to do so while constantly being attacked by others in a passive manner as to thwart my efforts to gain knowledge. In teaching others how I had to teach myself after thousands of years of human evolution with writing and still no practical education for anybody with a brain, these people almost always tried to use my methodology for abusive purposes. Confidence isn't always having absolute knowledge, as a moron can pretend they are confident, which confidence is one of the largest requirements for getting a job, getting a promotion, getting a spouse, and many other things some of you will never know about.

I built my confidence and knowledge from suffering, I truly honestly did, and pure hatred and resentment for everybody I'v ever met in my entire life. I'v never done a single thing in my life that someone else could abuse without me getting more out of it in the end for the other persons choice of attempting to abuse me, even if it means helping people nobody wants to help or teaching someone something nobody knows to let them get ahead. I had to be tired of suffering and being miserable because of others, not myself, but, others, in order to get out and do something. Everybody is an npc. Nobody can take responsibility for themselves and sees someone who brings up the problem as a child who is disobedient to their parents or something along those lines. Nobody really sits and has an intellectual conversation about who is at fault for my suffering. If someone blames myself, then I can easily say that my parents are at fault for bringing me into this world when they never had to; All because people who grew up as children and never really grew up in their minds are still trouble makers as adults. Throughout my suffering, I escaped. This was the first step in gaining confidence. I literally just walked away from everybody I knew and did my own thing. Getting stabbed in the street, kidnapped, or anything I could think of at the time I escaped the people who told me the boogie man was going to get me was a much better fate than being tormented in hell on earth. I couldn't get employed even after years of service in the military. I had to find my own work and did, all by myself, and I got a lot more money from it than I would have had I became a wage slave. I couldn't get an apartment or house just to rent because I needed check stubs and other things that someone in my shoes being forced to walk the line by all of you narcissist would make as a regulation to prevent me from avoiding real enslavement in modern age with a different name and look. Modern enslavement is merely considered responsibility now and if you don't like it, you go to prison and get forced to do labor for about the same amount of reward at the end of the day, maybe more because at least prisoners get a free education, medical, and then some. What did I do? I still found a way because there was no other choice. When I went to work, I was nervous, but, I had to do it. At first it was hard, but, not physically. Soon, I got use to it because I knew I wouldn't make a mistake if I just stayed careful. This is how I built confidence.

In building confidence, I knew more than ever before that everybody else around me didn't have confidence. They were all putting on an act merely because they didn't know what they were doing and were shown how to follow the other sheep around them in order to pretend they knew what was going on. I'm not exaggerating any of this. I literally had to teach myself how to change my own oil, my own transmission fluid, repair my own motor, repair my own engine, make my own furniture from scratch, and everybody else merely had everything handed to them by their parents. When someone becomes an adult, sure, their parents might stop giving them a free head start in life, but, I never got a free head start in life and have avoided prison, crime in general, avoided having children at a young age, still managed to get girlfriends quite often and break it off at the first hint of narcissistic behavior on their end, and even know multiple college subjects from cover to cover which I taught myself on my spare time while managing to stay in shape. Nobody I'v met yet, even life long renowned engineers, have managed to utilize cross subject methodology and time deadlines the way I have to solve my problems. People don't even teach this stuff in school anymore that I'm talking about unless you go to multiple trade schools and waste a lot of money. That alone still won't teach you anything I'v learned about how all those collage loans add up while some prisoner who murdered someone is going to have no debt when they get out of prison and you'll still be in debt for a good twenty years.

Nobody has any confidence other than the confidence they have in pretending they do. Knowledge gained by others is literally just something they program into each other through the process of monkey see monkey do. Confidence saves lives and does require real knowledge, but, experience is the best knowledge you can get, as it's something you can actually apply. The only reason confidence is frowned upon today is narcissism by the masses and consumerism which reinforces nepotist idea of an image being more important than functionality. This is why the mac is actually popular, even if not as popular as the pc. You want confidence? Go solve your own problems without asking your mother and father. If you don't know how, go figure it out. This is what the real world outside this computer looks like. Peace.