the drama thread

I have been feeling kinda weird lately. I just want to share this with someone. If you can help - awesome, if not, I appreciate positive comments.

A little backstory: I pretty much grew up with video games and no friends. Was the ''smart'' guy (but only smart for my school, no real achievements what so ever). Had the ''too smart for friends'' attitude. Changed school when I was 15, to get more competitive. Of course the first thing I wanted was to get a girlfriend. Gave up after like first 2 months. Kind of settled with kisless virgin life. Started doing track and field to keep myself in shape. In my senior years people started to ask me to participate in school student council, because I actually had the time and will to do things.

fast forward 5 years

Due to some good life decision I became confident, started to keep after my looks, became social, still keeping myself in great shape. Smart, participate in all kinds of events, know how to dance and party.

It's my second year in university, I never seeked cause I am comfortable with my kisless virgin life. I do go to parties but just because I am social and like to dance with girls (but never get any serious). I actively participate in student council, so I had my fair exposure to girls, but I never bothered to make the first move. Like I said - I am very comfortable with my lifestyle.

But then I met her.. There was this freshman girl... we just got together and drank.. I know, I have bad habits, but I study physics. Everyone drinks here. She hosted a party in her dorm room. We drink, we dance and suddenly she uses woman's charm on me. She just presses her body against mine and forces her hand in my hair and pushes my head towards her. She licks my ear. IM SOLD. She wraps her legs against my waist and just pushes her forehead against mine. Nothing serious happened that evening, she just grinded on me a little bit and that's all. I am virgin after all, I had no condoms and had no idea what to do there, never even expected to get laid.

A few days later. I am playing floorball with some of people in my faculty (don't really dare to call them friends). She came to be a spectator. After the game we go for a beer. We drink it, I dance a little with her. Suddenly I realize everyone else is gone. They intentionally left us two alone. I walk her home (we both live in the same dorms), grab her hand. I liked holding hands. Still charmed, can't stop thinking about her.

Fast forward a few days, it's her birthday. I buy condoms. I get flowers and champagne for her. We party with her friends etc, we dance, we kiss on lips. I love it. Can't settle the deal and get to her. Screw it, she was drunk and wanted to actually just rest.I'm okay with that, so I just slept beside her. Suddenly her phone vibrates. She checks it and starts crying. I'm like ''wtf babe, what's wrong''. She just types something back and goes like ''it's nothing'' and puts the phone back in a place I can reach. It vibrates again. I'm like ''wtf, I will turn it off''. She cries and says ''pls don't''. Literally no idea what to do there. Next time it rings. She hurries out of the room, I follow her. She just talks some with some man. I suspect it's her ex. Got a glance at the name, but couldn't find anything in facebook later on. Next morning : She wakes up, tells me she doesnt even remember why she cried (), and says that everything is alright. Okay, I go to work, we meet up in evening. She doesn't look fine. She tell me she is sick. She actually looks sick. I ask how can I help and if I can get her and medicine. She refuses. The following days she tells me she is just getting worse. Refuses any kind of help. Can't even directly answer what's wrong with her. The most I can get out of her ''Not feeling good, I have temperature'' (not sure if you americans use this term, but basically it means her temperature is above normal. I guess you guys would use the term ''fever''? She won't even hug me anymore, cause she is just lying in the bed. Though one time I stepped in her room, she looked quite well and was laughing and watching some funny videos with her friend.

sooo what the is going on. I am charmed. I love her. Does she love me too or was it just alcohol responsible for all those actions? Do I proceed to try and get her love back? We had a plan to go to party tomorrow. She told me she hopes she will be feeling better and will be able to attend it. I'm not sure what to do. pls help