one of them ended up dating my best friend for a bit and that kinda bummed me out a lot

and of course i had a few girls throughout the years that i really liked and naturally they didnt like me, for obvious reasons

i was annoying and creepy and weird and it just wasnt good

i was a really stupid kid but i was especially stupid when it came to girls

and of course romantically ive been an utter failure i dont even have female FRIENDS let alone ever had a girlfriend

whenever i get complimented i immediately assume its pity and im not sure if that habit will ever change

now when i get complimented (which is still a rare occasion) i physically cant believe it

people have always called me ugly and useless and stuff and on the rare occasions i got compliments they were just stupid jokes half the time

those are probably the most pathetic reasons to feel bad ever but theyve affected me a lot and im pretty sure im never really gonna be confident

and of course i didnt exactly have other options for people who would hang out with me so i just accepted it, losing and losing and losing and being insulted all the way

losing to me at anything was pretty much considered utter failure to them, so they only ever wanted to play games they could win at

and on the rare occasion i found a game i was better than them at, they never wanted to play those games

but almost any sort of competition i ever did even if it was just video games with my friends at school i'd pretty much always lose

but outside of that im pretty much completely talentless

im flat out horrible at most things, im mediocre at best at singing and the occasional video game

and even if i tried to go into an intelligence-based career like engineering or science im not ACTUALLY that smart and have no work ethic so i'd never actually succeed in it

really my only talent in life if you can even call it that is im pretty intelligent, school has never been a tremendous difficulty for me which is nice i guess but at the same time in a few years im gonna be done with school forever and then that one skill is now useless

and when i do 'good' it never feels good enough for them, just adequate

so even though relatively getting a B is pretty solid for most people to me its always going to make me feel inadqeuate and stupid

for me getting a B in school was cause to be grounded and punished for being lazy and stupid

its deep rooted i guess, my parents always had really high expectations for me that most people never really had

i obviously have a massive inferiority complex if somehow anyone hasnt noticed that yet

im kind of having a full on mental breakdown but its 4:30 am, 6:30 for the east coasters and i know pretty much nobodys awake so im just gonna vent to myself i guess

Redesigning my profile at 4am seems like a good use of my time.

Also I like this avi too much to not use it even tho it doesn't really fit the theme

late but daily song is This Is Love by Air Traffic Controller




This one's pretty good.

annajane says

Ginga says

annajane and cammy promote massive willy sucking

why are you outting me

oops.....