Error, if you end up reading this I hope you know it's not an attack thread. I just wanted you to understand where I was coming from, and where I think a lot of the community is coming from. This is really an open letter to everyone, but I think this is an important thing for everyone to understand.

I'm used to being the butt of a joke. It's been that way for my whole life. My weight, my looks, my hair, my overbite, my bad skin, my "waxy ears" (yes someone made fun of me for having too much earwax), my breath (I now brush my teeth, mouthwash, floss, and use mints/gum excessively), my large posterior, my laugh, my sense of humor, just anything about me that could be made fun of has been made fun of. I got so used to it I started to use the same jokes on myself. It would get laughs, I would feel good about myself, everything was ok. But it wasn't. People saw me for what I was, an insecure kid, and if I could make fun of myself, then people could keep jabbing at me. But it wasn't playful. It wasn't endearing, it wasn't jokes. It was harassment, bullying, insulting, dehumanizing.

Everyone comes to EpicMafia for a reason. My reason is pretty simple: loneliness. I'm not ashamed to say that I don't mesh well with other people. I'm not shy, I'm actually pretty extroverted. I'm talkative, loud, friendly. My problem is I can't really make lasting bonds. I don't know how to make friends. I'm clingy to people that show any sort of likening to me, I bug people, blah blah blah. Long story short, I don't have many friends.

Last year I was depressed. Like really depressed. I couldn't really seem to find a group of friends. I'd hang out with a group of people, they'd seem to like me, then a few weeks later they'd never call me or talk to me again. One part of this was my drinking.

I have an addictive personality. Food, Nicotine, Internet, Drinking, Weed, anything you can become dependent on is dangerous for me. My mom is a recovering alcoholic, my dad (now deceased) had his demons with booze, my aunts and uncles and grandparents on both sides all had stints with AA. I have every reason not to drink, yet I chose too.

Drinking isn't inherently bad. It's a great way to celebrate, to meet people, to loosen up, to add something while watching a game. Abusing drinking is what makes it deadly. I was getting drunk, like a lot. I'd just keep drinking until I blacked out, or puked, or cried, or did something or said something stupid. My friends would be driven away by this, wouldn't want to hang out, get angry at me, give me chance after chance to control it. But I didn't, I started to drink alone. I'd get boozed up and log into epicmafia. I was missing class because of hangovers. I almost lost my internship because of missing work. I was in a really bad place.

Some days I'd get liqoured up and join tinychats, yours or my own, or join Kenny's rabb.it's, and it would help me I guess. I wouldn't feel like I was alone. I felt like people in Sandbox were my friend's. You were always a bit d!ckish, but a loveable one I guess. you'd say something to me, but you'd say something to everyone so I didn't feel as bad. That's when you started commenting on my bad habits.

You told me I was going to fail out of college, become a burden on my mom, I couldn't handle booze, stuff along those lines. And I felt terrible about myself. Drinking had pushed away my friends and people close to me, and now it was pushing me away from the last thing I had. I was ashamed.

I'm not blaming you Error for my choices. I'm not saying you made me drink. I made those choices. You were just one of many to say something to me, to comment on my habits. I don't think you're a bad dude, I just think you forget you're dealing with people sometimes. Maybe you're dealing with the same problems as me. Maybe you just think you're better than me. Im not here to pyscho analyze you, and im not even asking you to explain yourself.

This isn't an attack on you. This isn't a pity party for me. This is to show you that everyone is dealing with sh!t. I'm sure you have problems too. We all do. God knows I do. I'm sorry for being hard on you for something seemingly insignificant, but the truth is you've always been hard on me, and been hard on a lot of the community members here.

I'm not promising to not drink, I'm not trying to get you to promise to never say a bad thing to anyone. I'm just trying to get everyone to think a little.

You said it best yourself.

Don't be sorry, be better.

-Mac