Let's share embarassing stories! I think I have a good one to start with.
Anna Kendrick and the Window Jizz
a real life experience by myths
Long ago, I was on a vacation with my family, taking a road trip to all of my friends' houses. Towards the middle of our trip, we took a side trip to visit one of my mom's friends.
I had to sleep on the hostess' kids' bed, they were away at camp for a week. That particular night was the supposed "Hottest Night Of The Summer." I believe it was about 105 Degrees Fahrenheit, and I had a hard time sleeping.
I remember waking up around 4 AM, and I thought I would watch a movie, that would put me to sleep. I chose to watch Into The Woods, as I really liked that movie. It has Anna Kendrick in it, and if you don't know, that's like my idol/celebcrush/future-marital-partner-even-though-there's-a-12-year-age-gap.
I fell asleep about 15 minutes into the movie, and if I remember correctly, I start dreaming about Anna. We're just on a date, she orders a glass of Chardonnay, I go for Merlot. I wanna show her I'm a classy guy. Suddenly, she's booty-naked on my bed, and we start making out and the works.
I feel a warmth in my pants subconsciously, and before you can even say "acapella," an explosion of liquid love oozes all over some random kids' sheets. They're totally drenched.
I wake up in sheer horror. It's about 6 AM, and I go and take a shower to clean myself up. By the time I get back, the sheets are semi-dry. Naturally, I do the logical thing and go on EpicMafia to ask the people of SandBox what I should do. Someone suggests I clean them up using Bleach. I go back up to the bathroom and look for what I think is Bleach.
It was Windex, a window cleaner.
The sheets turn a putrid shade of yellow-brown, and I just flip out. It was about this time when my brain completely turned off, so I just ball up the sheets, go down to the basement, and stuff them in the freezer with all of their meat and ice cream.
And for all I know, that's still where my jizz-stained, window cleaner sheets are.
