Well if I'm being honest, it's not really very interesting. Your use of language doesn't come across as sincere, nor does it project a truly engulfing presence of your mindset. It feels like you're stringing tentative rhyming couplets together for the sake of congruence, therefore forcing you to adjust your word choice around that. Furthermore, when you approach a new pair of couplets, the writing loses a sense of fluidity.

For example:

"we'll fight through the death
till there's nothin' left
we'll be side by side till the day i die
now please drop that knife and dont end your life"

'till there's nothin' left' simply does not roll very well in to 'we'll be side by side till the day i die'.

As for positives, the start of the second verse is good, but what follows is somewhat inconsistent, much like what I've already described.

'now close your eyes
please visualize
a better world
just you and i
we both will fly
away from our sins
away from our past
think about the future
think about our picture
embedded in this scripture
this little piece of writing
which'll mean something
cuz i know for one thing
there will be no ending
of you and i'

It's pretty jagged, man. eyes/visualize/world/i, the lines ending in these words read very coherently and follow a fluent pattern, but that becomes skewed by the fifth line which, in turn, completely throws the reader off for the whole section. This could be remedied by replacing 'picture' with something that sounds like or rhymes with past.

These are just the first things that come to mind upon reading. Good effort and good luck.

i'd post mine
but tbh it's garbage

serious, i jsut made it and need comments for improvement.. will record ASAP

Is this serious or not?