anyone here a fan of poetry? feel free to post your poems here.. here's one i made http://pastebin.com/gpuqrQku, need comments and improvement
deletedover 10 years
Lifetimes of regrets, things unspoken All the silences left unbroken A million mistakes and a million lies Each day i always come to realize We grow and change is so many ways Lost so deeply in a blinding haze Becoming more ourself nothing changes Runnings circles in endless mazes Quite certaily we've lost the plot And in the end it's all for naught
I mean, I don't know how cryptic you were trying to be in your approach to this poem, or whether you are portraying your thoughts sheerly as face value.
I interpret the first two lines in two different ways.
The former example entertains the idea that meaningful substance has been repressed in your life for as long as you've known, even though you're going about your day-to-day life, you don't really dwell on things that are positively industrious, and the things that truly open your soul in a beneficial manner are consequently bypassed.
As for the latter example, it just gives me the idea that you never really talk to anyone and that you're very shy, whilst you never pounce on opportunities to rectify this, inevitably dwelling on shackled despair.
'A million mistakes and a million lies Each day I always come to realize'
I can't quite tell if you are the one being lied to, or if you have lied to others, though I'm going to assume it's both, with an additional perspective that you also lie to yourself.
I guess the coupled sentence gives me the impression that each day leaves you unfulfilled, but by the time you get to bed and lay your head down, your mind begins to expand positively and takes you to deep feelings of regret. As if you wish you played each day out differently, but upon waking up, all of those positive and productive notions are forgotten about. Rinse and repeat.
deletedover 10 years
I wrote this when I was 10 lol
I come home from school, depressed and blue. Hiding my tears, and running to my room.
I look in the mirror, don't know what I see. A beautiful girl, Or a boring, ugly me.
My eyes all red, and my whole body shaking. Just because of those girls, and a fight in the making.
"I'm beautiful, aren't I?" I question myself. I doubt my words, and throw mirrors on the shelf.
I start to scream, which gets mother's attention. She asks me what's wrong, But I don't dare mention.
As I glanced in the mirror, my figure all wide, My confidence faded, as I started to cry.
I told my mother, while slouched on my bed. She took a deep breath, and she finally said:
"I don't care, Nicole. Fat or thin; What matters is the soul That lies within.
Don't listen to those girls, You're perfect just the way you are." She layed a kiss upon my forehead and gently shut the door.
I glanced in the mirror, Just one last time. And my mouth that was a straight line Turned into a smile.
:)
deletedover 10 years
the definition of my thighs
deletedover 10 years
It leaves me with a sense of melancholic ontogenetic disarray.
My thighs say thunderous My thighs say too fat for skinny jeans Say wide Say open My thighs say cellulite Say bad tattoos Say stretch marks Say pockmarks Say ingrown hair My thighs feel upset that you only offered one bite of your Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia My thighs say more, please More room More beat drop My thighs can dance all night My thighs want your thighs to work a little bit harder My thighs may or may not want to some of the people in this room right now My thighs say what the is a thigh gap My thighs are always the elephant in the dressing room My thighs hate Urban Outfitters, hate Banana Republic, hate American Apparel Love the one pair of jeans we wear four times a week because there the only ones that fit us right My thighs hope your thighs have a great day
deletedover 10 years
Wow, all of you are so talented....I could never write half of any of this...i never knew there were such brilliant writers on EM tbh
I love the flow, the choice of vocabulary, and the overall darkness of the writing.
I also especially love the symbolism in 'being a relic' to be excavated.
I particularly like—
"But it will be too late you will have switched museums already – but the Mona Lisa belongs at the Louvre, no room in it for kitsch organs"
—This plateaus perfectly for the direction your writing took me, and it reads as extremely genuine/wistful.
But when I get to the end I feel like suddenly you've shifted to an extremely contented place as opposed to an apathetic place.
I certainly wouldn't tell you how to feel, but I do think the transition is abrupt and is probably the only thing that takes away from the writing (personally).
omg this reminds me of when i won the poetry contest in sandbox @_@ i almost cried i wasn't expecting it
and as for your poem, its cute and the meaning is nice and all there but i think you're really lacking on the literary devices part of that. you're just describing how you plan on going about things without making it descriptive or seem pretty.. for me, literary devices really make or break a poem. and while skimming it i dont really think i saw any. overall, it was pretty good! keep up the good work, pal. ^_^
deletedover 10 years
To boot, it's brave of you to expose yourself on this website. I have written a lot this year, but I would never be so bold as to do what you've done. You have my admiration for that.
First of all... remove 90% of the apostrophes. They tend to make it look like you're not serious with your work, especially if you overuse them ._. Oh well, it depends on the writer too.
Other then that i love it and i will look forward to seeing more of your work! Some rhymes were a little bit off, but eh.
