THE GRAPE: AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY

~ I was born in a small vineyard outside of Paris. My parents were both very respectable members of the grape community.

~ I have 634 brothers and sisters. Grapes have many more children than you humans.

~ My parents died shortly after I was born, but it was for a very noble cause. They became part of a fabulous red wine and truly fulfilled their purpose.

~ I am the most technologically advanced grape. I am the first one to come about the internet. I have been trying to get other grapes into it, but they are too traditional and say I should not be socializing with humans.

~ I was kicked out of my vineyard by the elder grapes for being too liberal. I was pried off my vine and kicked into the streets. I almost shriveled up and became TheRaisin, but luckily a very nice vine of grapes scooped me up and performed surgery to attach me to their vine. I like it much better here; these grapes are much more intelligent.

~ Most grapes have a simple life goal of being squashed into a nice wine. But not me. I want to advance the grape species to be more human-like.

~ I want to be a Grape Doctor. Being surgically attached to a new family inspired this decision.

~ I hope to one day come up with a cure for shriveling. If I can achieve such a feat, grapes will no longer have to spend their lives tethered to one vine. We could roll around the streets and have lives like humans. Hopefully you won't crush us and learn to treat us like your friends.