In the beginning, there was Shoopie. Shoopie had the largest pen!s in the universe, because she was alone. Shoopie spent a lot of her time in space floating around and jerking off when all of a sudden, particles called quarks came together. Shoopie saw an opportunity for the first ever sex, thus, the big bang happened. Her massive dong went straight through the quarks causing particles to be smashed together, forming the first essential gas, hydrogen.
Shoopie spent a good amount of time after that recovering from the first and last time she would ever enjoy sex because her was too big for the universe. One day, Shoopie got tired of looking at hydrogen so she began to paint. She made the first painting, and named it ‘A Shoopie Night’ (not to be confused with ‘A Starry Night’). Shoopie eventually beat off so hard it tore holes into the fabric of space in the form of black holes. These supermassive black holes still exist today and loom over your heads, not able to be seen.
Shoopie eventually decided to create Earth and humans. Shoopie decided to enter the Earth for herself, and ended up punching a hole in the Ozone layer. The humans that she created made a website called “epicmafia” and it wasn’t until 2016 that Shoopie checked to see how the website was doing. Shoopie was depressed because the humans she created had small and super tight booty holes. Their booty holes were too tight and she ended up tearing the butthole of the human called “Dawson”. She realized how much she enjoyed having sex with humans because tearing up buttholes was something she was good at doing.
Shoopie tore so many buttholes open that Nathan, the admin, decided to promote her onto the “mod team”. She wasn’t very liked there, because several of the mods that she was around ended up having their booty holes ripped apart and the executive double-window corner offices were being occupied by her massive phallic member. The executive office was large enough to fit the entire continent of Africa, but that wasn’t enough to contain the astronomical pen!s that was overflowing in the office. She decided it wasn’t enough space, so she made the Seattle Space Needle. The space needle was large, but not large enough either, so she made the Burj Khalifa. Again, not large enough. She needed a new plan.
I’ll finish this story with a poem about what happened next.
Shoopie is one of many epicmafias users
Her monumental pen!s shaded the losers
The d!ck so thick was known as “the boss”
It went through all statues she came across
Shoopie took to the skies
So use your eyes
Look up and see God’s massive c0ck.
