TL;DR I turned 19 last night, and decided that I'm quitting EM to focus on my life, specifically (i) productive projects, (ii) real life friends, and (iii) focusing on my mental health, and I won't be able to have the time commitment to be admin.
Sorry for the lack of notice and wish you guys all the best of luck <3
If you want to keep reading, I'll elaborate and also tell you my story about mental illness, specifically borderline personality disorder. Spreading awareness one post at a time~
Productive things
I'll be working on an app, along with other productive endeavours / side projects that have captured my interest but not my time.
EM was a fun distraction and I've enjoyed but, but I'm looking forward to being more productive.
p.s. Nicol stop going on em so much and join the app when it's out :>
Real life friends
I've been spending and valuing more time with my real life friends. The EM community is awesome and I've even made a new rl friend (hi sinead!), but hanging out in person is undisputably more fun, and that's what I'm prioritising over EM from now on :]
Mental illness, hi!
Okay, now for a serious topic (in a lighthearted tone). Mental illness is real (smh at anyone who disagrees in 2017), it can be serious and impactful, and it affects more people than you think.
You might have heard of depression, anxiety, ADHD, and with Trump Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but have you heard of borderline personality disorder?
BPD is estimated to affect 1 in 16 people. It's rarely discussed and diagnosed. Let me tell you what it's like.
Your emotions fluctuate strongly all the time, for no reason at all.
You split. You love someone more than a non borderline person can love, but the next moment you can hate them with the blink of a second. "I hate you, don't leave me". You love your job one second, the next you think about drafting a resignation letter.
You have intense fears of abandonment and detachment. They can't be put into words. You are anxious all the time and have panic attacks and are worried that your friend, SO, etc will leave you... just because they left your message on Read 11:04pm.
Breakups (not just romantic, but intense friendships too)? It feels like the complete and total end of THE world, and no logic will convince your emotions. You will probably attempt suicide, maybe multiple times, and maybe in front of your ex
Emotions can cause you to freak out and lash out at who you loved. You may turn into a demon, a person who you don't recognise, and your borderline makes it difficult for you to accept what you did to someone who you love. When you freak out, you feel you literally lose control and are just observing your body.
Emotions can cause you to dissociate. I can think about a really sad and painful memory, and I'll start feeling physical symptoms and literally feel like I'm going out of this world. I lose track of space, time, myself, and existence. It's scary.
You feel empty all the time. Your sense of self identity is almost non existent, and you rely 100% on external validation. You latch on to your SO or friends and adopt their identity and personality because you don't feel like you have one.
You're unstable and impulsive driven. Pictured below, how to commit to spend 3x$1200 in five minutes. Me and my ex met her a year ago. At a strip club. She's a stripper. But hey, Japan will be fun.
Ok, so, what can borderline people do?
Get therapy. Seriously. There's no drugs / medication that really helps, but therapy is amazing and can change your life. If you think you might have BPD, see a therapist and be open and see what they think.
There's two types of therapy that works well for borderline people:
Dialectical behavior therapy. This helps you improve your mood and emotional regulation and change harmful behavior. It's composed of mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotional regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness.
Schematherapy. This combines cognitive-behavioral, experiential, interpersonal and psychoanalytic therapies into one model. It recognises schemas or modes that you enter in, harmfully, and helps you get out of it.
If you think you might be suffering from a mental illness, see a therapist. If that didn't work out well, see another therapist. I think I'm on my 4th. One will click and help you change your life. Try to be around emotionally intelligent and supportive people, too. Ditch those who aren't.
This was a long rant...
Yes, I kind of rambled. But anyway. I hope I've spread some BPD awareness out of the blue. Thanks EM, and goodbye!
I'll be sorting all the mod apps you've sent for pingu (they won't get lost, DW), and then uninstalling Skype and quitting, but if you want to get in touch with me for whatever reason, feel free to add me on Snapchat.
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Bye :)
