And your mother's saying "go to college" so you finish college and it's wonderful! You feel so good and after all the partying and craziness, and don't forget about that drug habit you picked up at school being around your peers. Hey! Now you'll get that 25-thousand dollar a year job and you'll spend all your money on crack cocaine, but, it'll be YOUR money! No more borrowing from mom for my high! So now you get your degree tattooed on your back cause you're so excited about it. If you continue to work at the Gap, after several interviews, oh my God! You'll come in at a entry-level position and if you do that, if you kiss enough ass, you'll move up to the next level; which is being the secretary's secretary and boy is that great. You can take messages for the secretary who NEVER went to college, she's actually the boss's niece! So now you're part of the family.

You know what college does for you? It makes you really smart, man. All you kids wanted to talk in the back of the class, not me, I listened, okay? I was a hall monitor; this was meant to be. You know how many classes I took? Extra classes, extra classes. No, I've never had sex, but you know what? My degree keeps me satisfied. When a lady walks up to me and says "Hey, you know what's sexy?" No, I don't know what it is but I bet I can add up all the change in your purse very fast.

You keep it going man, you keep those books rolling, you pick up all those books that you're gonna read and not remember and you roll, man. You get that associate's degree, okay? Then you get your bachelor's. Then you get your masters. Then you get your masters' masters. Then you get your doctorate. You go man! And then when everyone says quit, you show them those degrees, man! When everyone says "Hey, you're not working, you're not making any money" you say "You look at my degrees, and you look at my life. Yeah, I'm 52! So what? Hate all you want, but I'm smart, I'm so smart and I'm in school. All these guys out here making money all these ways and I'm spending mine to be smart! You know why? Cause when I die buddy, you know what's gonna keep me warm? That's right, those degrees."

"Hey Jimmy, where you going?"

"I don't know where I'm goin'. My Dad died, and he left me his degrees. My mom would always say "Dad, why don't you work?" but he just kept learning. All the other kids' parents were working and saving up money for school and I was actually in school all while my dad was in school! He was so greedy with degrees, he took my degree and now I'm just glad he left me these. Because all the regular homeless people have newspaper, and look what I have! These are documented. My father left them for me and I'm going to leave them to my kids. I'm going to learn too, I'm going to get super smart, so I, too, can die without money! But I'll be the smartest dead guy! Who has that?"