Epicmafia

deletedover 8 years

-I object!

-Shrek?

{Gasps}

-Oh, now what does he want?

-Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first at all.

Very clean.

-What are you doing here?

-Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but

showing up uninvited to a wedding - -

-Fiona! I need to talk to you.

-Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll

excuse me - -

-But you can't marry him.

-And why not?

-Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king.

-Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him.

-He's not your true love.

-And what do you know about true love?

-Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - -

-Oh, this is precious. The ogre has fallen in love with the princess!

Oh, good Lord.

{Crowd laughting}

-An ogre and a princess!

-Shrek, is this true?

-Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away

from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmmm!

-"By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before.

{Whimpers}

{Crown gasping}

-Well, uh, that explains a lot.

-Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of

my sight now! Get them! Get them both!

-No, no!

-Shrek!

-This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that

makes me king! See? See?

-No, let go of me! Shrek!

-No!

-Don't just stand there, you morons.

-Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh!

-I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and

quartered!

-You'll beg for death to save you!

-No, Shrek!

-And as for you, my wife,

-Fiona!

riskitforthebiscuit

over 8 years

deletedover 8 years

he seat belts yet.

-Whoo!

{Bells tolling}

{All gasping}

-People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witnss to the union....

-Um-

-of our new king - -

-Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"?

{Chuckling}

-Go on.

-Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about

that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't

you?

-What are you talking about?

-There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak

now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!"

-I don't have time for this!

-Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this

woman, don't you?

-Yes.

-You wanna hold her?

-Yes.

-Please her?

-Yes!

-Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. The chicks love that

romantic crap!

-All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line?

-We gotta check it out.

-And so, by the power vested in me,

-What do you see?

-The whole town's in there.

-I now pronounce you husband and wife,

-They're at the altar.

-king and queen.

-Mother Fletcher! He already said it.

-Oh, for the love of Pete!

{Grunts}

riskitforthebiscuit

over 8 years

0 is less than 2000

deletedover 8 years

-Smelly ogre.

-Fine!

-Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet.

-Well, I'm through with you.

-Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess

what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are

mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do!

You're always pushing me around or pushing me away.

-Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?

-Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other!

-Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in

the back!

-Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your

own feelings.

-Go away!

-There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she

ever do was like you, maybe even love you.

-Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of

you talking.

-She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody

else.

-She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about?

-Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me.

Right? Right?

-Donkey!

-No!

-Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right?

{Sighs}

-I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. Can you

forgive me?

-Hey, that's what friends are for, right?

-Right. Friends?

-Friends.

-So, um, what did Fiona say about me?

-What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her?

-The wedding! We'll never make it in time.

-Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I

have a way.

{Whistles}

-Donkey?

-I guess it's just my animal magnetism.

{Laughing}

-Aw, come here, you.

-All right, all right.Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss .

All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install

riskitforthebiscuit

over 8 years

Jimbei says

Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!

deletedover 8 years

-I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone!

My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless,

pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys!

-But I thought - -

-Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong!

-Shrek.

I heard there was a secret chord

That David played and it pleased the Lord

But you don't really care for music, do ya

It goes like this the fourth, the fifth

The minor fall the major lift

The baffled king composing hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Baby, I've been here before

I know this room I've walked this floor

I used to live alone before I knew you

I've seen your flag on the marble arch

But love is not a victory march

It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah

And all I ever learned from love

Is how to shoot at someone

Who outdrew you

{Moaning}

And it's not a cry you can hear at night

It's not somebody who's seen the light

It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

{Moaning}

Hallelujah, hallelujah

{Thumping sound}

-Donkey?

{Grunts}

-What are you doing?

-I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see

one.

-Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not

through it.

-It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half.

-Oh! Your half. Hmm.

-Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I

get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks

like your head.

-Back off!

-No, you back off.

-This is my swamp!

-Our swamp.

-Let go, Donkey!

-You let go.

-Stubborn jackass!

riskitforthebiscuit

over 8 years

yep

deletedover 8 years

Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!Your post must be less than 2000 characters!

deletedover 8 years

-My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love.

{Deep sigh}

-Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only

way to break the spell.

-You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth.

-No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know.

-What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?

-Promise you won't tell. Promise!

-All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know

before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy.

-Look at my eye twitchin'.

{Door opens}

{Snoring}

-I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him.

-Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want - -

{Snoring}

-Shrek. Are you all right?

-Perfect! Never been better.

-I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you.

-You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last

night.

-You heard what I said?

-Every word.

-I thought you'd understand.

-Oh, I undersatnd. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly

beast?"

-But I thought that wouldn't matter to you.

-Yeah? Well, it does.

{Gasps, sighs}

-Ah, right on time.

{Horse whinnies}

-Princess, I've brought you a little something.

{Fanfare}

{Yawns}

-What'd I miss? What'd I miss?

{Muffled}

-Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey.

-Princess Fiona.

-As promised. Now hand it over.

-Very well, ogre. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed.

-Take it and go before I change my mind.

-Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I

have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad.

-Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no.

{Snaps fingers}

-Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... farewell.

riskitforthebiscuit

over 8 years

https://epicmafia.com/topic/82033?page=135&post_highlight=2811334

riskitforthebiscuit

over 8 years

Jimbei says

-Donkey, I'm the princess.

-Aah!

-It's me, in thisbody.

-Oh, my God! You ate the princess. Can you hear me?

-Donkey!

-Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there!

-No!

-Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!

-Shh.

-Shrek!

-This is me.

{Muffled mumbling}

-Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different.

-I'm ugly, okay?

-Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats

was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - -

-No.

-I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember.

-What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before.

-It's only happens when sun goes down.

"By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you

find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form."

-Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.

-It's a spell.

{Sighs}

-When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I

become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to

await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry

Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this.

{Sobs}

-All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not

that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look

like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7.

-But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant

to look.

-Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad?

-I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell.

-But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you

got a lot in common.

-Shrek?

-Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for

me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's

pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might

riskitforthebiscuit

over 8 years

riskitforthebiscuit says

Jimbei says

{Gulps}

-Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind

of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it.

{Chuckles}

-I'd like that.

{Slurps, laughs}

See the pyramids along the Nile

-Um, Princess?

Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle

-Yes, Shrek?

-I, um, I was wondering.

Just remember, darling all the while

-Are you- -

You belong to me

{Sighs}

-Are you gonna eat that?

{Chuckles}

-Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset.

-Sunset?

-Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late.

-What?

-Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark,

aren't you?

-Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside.

-Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, t untilx

- Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.

{Shrek sighs}

-Good night.

-Good night.

{Door creaks}

-Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here.

-Oh, what are you talkin' about?

-I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts.

And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it.

-You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad.

-Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in

and tell her how you feel.

-I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that,

well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a

princess, and I'm - -

-An ogre?

-Yeah. An ogre.

-Hey, where you goin'?

-To get... move firewood.

{Sighs}

-Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you?

{Wings fluttering}

-Princess?

{Creaking}

{Gasps}

-It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games.

{Screams}

-Aah!

-Oh, no!

-No, help!

-Shh!

-Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!

-No, it's okay. It's okay.

-What did you do with the princess?

deletedover 8 years

-Donkey, I'm the princess.

-Aah!

-It's me, in this body.

-Oh, my God! You ate the princess. Can you hear me?

-Donkey!

-Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there!

-No!

-Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!

-Shh.

-Shrek!

-This is me.

{Muffled mumbling}

-Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different.

-I'm ugly, okay?

-Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats

was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - -

-No.

-I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember.

-What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before.

-It's only happens when sun goes down.

"By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you

find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form."

-Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.

-It's a spell.

{Sighs}

-When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I

become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to

await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry

Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this.

{Sobs}

-All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not

that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look

like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7.

-But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant

to look.

-Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad?

-I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell.

-But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you

got a lot in common.

-Shrek?

-Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for

me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's

pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might

riskitforthebiscuit

over 8 years

Jimbei says

{Gulps}

-Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind

of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it.

{Chuckles}

-I'd like that.

{Slurps, laughs}

See the pyramids along the Nile

-Um, Princess?

Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle

-Yes, Shrek?

-I, um, I was wondering.

Just remember, darling all the while

-Are you- -

You belong to me

{Sighs}

-Are you gonna eat that?

{Chuckles}

-Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset.

-Sunset?

-Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late.

-What?

-Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark,

aren't you?

-Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside.

-Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until

- Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.

{Shrek sighs}

-Good night.

-Good night.

{Door creaks}

-Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here.

-Oh, what are you talkin' about?

-I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts.

And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it.

-You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad.

-Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in

and tell her how you feel.

-I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that,

well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a

princess, and I'm - -

-An ogre?

-Yeah. An ogre.

-Hey, where you goin'?

-To get... move firewood.

{Sighs}

-Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you?

{Wings fluttering}

-Princess?

{Creaking}

{Gasps}

-It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games.

{Screams}

-Aah!

-Oh, no!

-No, help!

-Shh!

-Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!

-No, it's okay. It's okay.

-What did you do with the princess?

riskitforthebiscuit

over 8 years

Jimbei says

{Bird chirping}

{Grunts}

My belov ed monster and me

We go everywhere together

Wearin' a raincoat

that has four sleeves

Gets us through all kinds of weather

-Aah!

She will always be the only thing

That comes between me and the awful sting

That comes from living in a world

that's so damn mean

{Croaks}

Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh

-Hey!

La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la

{Both laughing}

La-la, la-la, la-la

-There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you.

-That's DuLoc?

-Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for

something, which I think means he has a really - - Ow!

-Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move on.

-Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey.

{Blubbering}

-What?

-I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good.

-What are you talking about? I'm fine.

-That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on

your back. Dead.

-You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down?

-Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea.

-I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and

when I turn my head like this, look,

{Bones crunch}

-Ow! See?

-Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner.

-I'll get the firewood.

-Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any

toes! I think I need a hug.

-Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this?

-Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style.

-No kidding. Well, this is delicious.

-Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I

make a mean weedrat stew.

{Chuckling}

{Sighs}

-I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night.

deletedover 8 years

{Gulps}

-Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind

of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it.

{Chuckles}

-I'd like that.

{Slurps, laughs}

See the pyramids along the Nile

-Um, Princess?

Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle

-Yes, Shrek?

-I, um, I was wondering.

Just remember, darling all the while

-Are you- -

You belong to me

{Sighs}

-Are you gonna eat that?

{Chuckles}

-Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset.

-Sunset?

-Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late.

-What?

-Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark,

aren't you?

-Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside.

-Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until

- Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.

{Shrek sighs}

-Good night.

-Good night.

{Door creaks}

-Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here.

-Oh, what are you talkin' about?

-I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts.

And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it.

-You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad.

-Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in

and tell her how you feel.

-I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that,

well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a

princess, and I'm - -

-An ogre?

-Yeah. An ogre.

-Hey, where you goin'?

-To get... move firewood.

{Sighs}

-Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you?

{Wings fluttering}

-Princess?

{Creaking}

{Gasps}

-It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games.

{Screams}

-Aah!

-Oh, no!

-No, help!

-Shh!

-Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!

-No, it's okay. It's okay.

-What did you do with the princess?

riskitforthebiscuit

over 8 years

quote

deletedover 8 years

{Bird chirping}

{Grunts}

My beloved monster and me

We go everywhere together

Wearin' a raincoat

that has four sleeves

Gets us through all kinds of weather

-Aah!

She will always be the only thing

That comes between me and the awful sting

That comes from living in a world

that's so damn mean

{Croaks}

Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh

-Hey!

La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la

{Both laughing}

La-la, la-la, la-la

-There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you.

-That's DuLoc?

-Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for

something, which I think means he has a really - - Ow!

-Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move on.

-Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey.

{Blubbering}

-What?

-I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good.

-What are you talking about? I'm fine.

-That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on

your back. Dead.

-You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down?

-Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea.

-I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and

when I turn my head like this, look,

{Bones crunch}

-Ow! See?

-Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner.

-I'll get the firewood.

-Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any

toes! I think I need a hug.

-Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this?

-Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style.

-No kidding. Well, this is delicious.

-Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I

make a mean weedrat stew.

{Chuckling}

{Sighs}

-I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night.

riskitforthebiscuit

over 8 years

Jimbei says

Break it down

I like an honest fight

and a saucy little maid

What he's basically sayisng

is he likes to get - -

Paid

So

When an ogre in the bush

grabs a lady by the tush

That's bad

That's bad

When a beauty's with a beast

it makes me awfully mad

He's mad

He's really, really mad

I'll take my blade and

ram it through your heart

Keep your eyes on me, boys

'cause I'm about to start

{Grunts, Groans}

{Karate Yell}

{Merry Men Gasping}

{Panting}

-Man, that was annoying!

-Oh, you little- -

{Karate Yell}

{Accordion}

{Shouting, groaning}

{Chuckles}

-Uh, shall we?

-Hold the phone.

{Grunts}

Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from?

-What?

-That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that?

-Well - - {Chuckles} When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these

things in case there's a - - There's an arrow in your butt!

-What? Oh, would you look at that?

-Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry.

-Why? What's wrong?

-Shrek's hurt.

-Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die.

deletedover 8 years

Donkey, I'm okay.

-You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep

you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the

Heimlich?

-Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and

find me a blue flower with red thorns.

-Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns.

Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!

-{Both} Donkey!

-Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns.

-What are the flowers for?

-For getting rid of Donkey.

-Ah.

-Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out.

-Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'.

-I'm sorry, but it has to come out.

-No, it's tender.

-Now, hold on.

-What you're doing is the opposite of help.

-Don't move.

-Look, time out.

-Would you - -

{Grunts}

-Okay. What do you propose we do?

-Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red

thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue

flower, red thorns.

-Ow!

-Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'!

-Ow! Not good.

-Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head.

{Grunts}

-It's just about - -

-Ow! Ohh!

-Ahem.

-Nothing happened. We were just, uh - -

-Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay?

-Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was

just- - Ugh!

-Ow!

-Hey, what's that?

{Nervous chuckle}

-That's- - Is that blood?

{Sighs}

riskitforthebiscuit

over 8 years

Jimbei says

-Good morning, Princess!

-What's all this about?

-You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to

make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me.

-Uh, thanks.

{Sniffs}

-Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us.

{Belches}

-Shrek!

-What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. {Laughs}

-Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess.

{Belches}

-Thanks.

-She's as nasty as you are.

-{Laughs} You know, you're not exactly what I expected.

-Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them.

{Vocalizing}

-La liberte! Hey!

-Princess!

{Laughs}

-What are you doing?

-Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from

this green - -

{Kissing sounds}

-beast.

-Hey!

-That's my princess! Go find you own!

-Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here?

-Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are!

-Oh! Of course! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduce myself. Oh, Merry

Men.

{Laughs}

{Accordion}

Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo.

I steal from the rich and give to the needy.

He takes a wee percentage,

But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels

Man, I'm good

What a guy, Monsieur Hood

deletedover 8 years

Break it down

I like an honest fight

and a saucy little maid

What he's basically saying

is he likes to get - -

Paid

So

When an ogre in the bush

grabs a lady by the tush

That's bad

That's bad

When a beauty's with a beast

it makes me awfully mad

He's mad

He's really, really mad

I'll take my blade and

ram it through your heart

Keep your eyes on me, boys

'cause I'm about to start

{Grunts, Groans}

{Karate Yell}

{Merry Men Gasping}

{Panting}

-Man, that was annoying!

-Oh, you little- -

{Karate Yell}

{Accordion}

{Shouting, groaning}

{Chuckles}

-Uh, shall we?

-Hold the phone.

{Grunts}

Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from?

-What?

-That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that?

-Well - - {Chuckles} When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these

things in case there's a - - There's an arrow in your butt!

-What? Oh, would you look at that?

-Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry.

-Why? What's wrong?

-Shrek's hurt.

-Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die.

riskitforthebiscuit

over 8 years

and beyond

deletedover 8 years

-Good morning, Princess!

-What's all this about?

-You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to

make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me.

-Uh, thanks.

{Sniffs}

-Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us.

{Belches}

-Shrek!

-What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. {Laughs}

-Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess.

{Belches}

-Thanks.

-She's as nasty as you are.

-{Laughs} You know, you're not exactly what I expected.

-Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them.

{Vocalizing}

-La liberte! Hey!

-Princess!

{Laughs}

-What are you doing?

-Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from

this green - -

{Kissing sounds}

-beast.

-Hey!

-That's my princess! Go find you own!

-Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here?

-Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are!

-Oh! Of course! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduce myself. Oh, Merry

Men.

{Laughs}

{Accordion}

Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo.

I steal from the rich and give to the needy.

He takes a wee percentage,

But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels

Man, I'm good

What a guy, Monsieur Hood

Giveaway chat thread