i get home at about 8 o clock the next morning, having smoked probably 40 cigarettes, don't know how much coke i did, a lot though...and paid for none of it lol, which is the only upside, and i'm still being chased for money for it which nobody's getting. i get into bed absolutely rattled. i can't sleep though i've been up 24 hours. i'm lying there dying. next thing i start overheating. and like there's a little panic attack with it, this is freaky sht, like real overheating. throw off the sheets, open the window, stick half my body out the window. and next thing there's this like surge of heat comes up from inside me, pushes out through my skin, and all of a sudden i'm all a cold sweat, but i'm not gonna die a really fcking frightening death lol, i laugh like a madman. i get back into bed, a little better off, spend a while trying to unblock my nose, scraping absolute bullsht out of it. fall asleep.
it's 4 o clock today 4 hard weeks later and i have drank 3 cups of coffee this morning and smoked i don't know how many cigarettes. never went back playing football, getting to the gym for an hour 3 times a week, but not eating anywhere near enough. i feel like death. i've lost a stone weight. i know it's just the same as i always used to feel before, but there for 2 months i felt like a fcking god. the grass is actually greener on the other side now, that's probably the most part of the pain. i went to a memorial mass yesterday for a little cousin of mine committed suicide. and that's my feelings.
deletedover 8 years
then i come home to my sh*tty friends, one of them finishes work and calls for me on the way, and we go to his house, and another one of them is there drunk already like 4 o clock in the day. and he's smoking weed and he's got these fcking cheery cigarettes. and that's all right, i go drinking with them. and we stay drinking. and after a while i smoke one of these cherry cigarettes, and they taste nice. so i smoke for that day, i'll quit again tomorrow np. then we get a bag of cocaine to sober us all up a bit so we can go out for the night. then we get another bag of cocaine because we don't have any more cocaine. we go to some girl's 21st down in this actual hell of a bar, i used think it was a real good bar because it's on a sort of island kinda, isolated, with a long road leading down to it and which is in view from the bar, so drug haven, nobody to complain about noise either, there's always about 5 fights, everyone has their parties there. and the barkeep is a personal friend, though he's a degenerate alcoholic. and he'll give me tab. and he'll take a line for a drink. and it's just actual hell thinking about it lol
deletedover 8 years
i quit cigarettes for ~2 months april to may and got healthy af for it, swimming every day, running every day, trying to get fit for football in the summer. and it was all going great. and cold turkey too, and it was easy
and i quit coffee too, and i'm a 6 cups a day 4 spoons of instant coffee sort of person. went zero coffee, started drinking tea alright, but tea ain't sht on coffee
and it was all going great. i put up about a stone weight, got over 180 lbs. i was eating like a horse, i mean just constantly. and my concentration skyrocketed too, first time i've ever actually been able to get anything done in the library. and my sleeping pattern and routine was a+, gym for 7 every morning, still never went to college lol, i was too busy eating, but i still aced the term. sauna for 2 hours a day, multivitamins, bcaas, every other supplement, i got actually good at hurling which my part of the country usually would never bother with. girls ofc lol but they aren't self-improvement. i was still drinking a lot but it wasn't taking any real toll on me. all said, i was the healthiest i've been in 10 fcking years easy.
