Shivv says

Spam Lucid out

You used to be able to summon him to the forums by uttering his name... I don't think that works anymore :(

To be honest, I just want Colossal Calamari.

Police says

Everyone on epicmafia dot com is on board a large boat in the middle of the Atlantic. As a colossal squid grabs hold of the boat and drags it down into the depths of the ocean, you and the rest of the passengers have just enough time to get a few supplies and disperse into life boats.

Each of the life boats will be heading off in a different, predesignated direction as per Jasper who has decided that this is the optimal strategy to maximize epicmafia's chances of finding help and rescuing all survivors.

As a moderator, you are assigned as the leader of one of the life boats, and you are given first pick for your crew. Since the other moderators have their own life boats to head up, you may not pick any of them.

Your life boat seats a total of 6, yourself included. You have food and fresh water to last a week and a half. Compose your crew, and give your reasoning for each.

OK. I'm assuming it takes exactly that week and a half to get to shore and save epicmafia.

1) Pmatt for entertainment/cool discussion
2) Apple so Matt isn't lonely plus she's cool
3/4) Carly/Steven would probably be fun to have on there and resourceful enough. I doubt it'd devolve into us killing ourselves with them on board.
5) Riot to make fun of him as he tries to seize power

DDOS his mailbox

who's your internet crush

Everyone on epicmafia dot com is on board a large boat in the middle of the Atlantic. As a colossal squid grabs hold of the boat and drags it down into the depths of the ocean, you and the rest of the passengers have just enough time to get a few supplies and disperse into life boats.

Each of the life boats will be heading off in a different, predesignated direction as per Jasper who has decided that this is the optimal strategy to maximize epicmafia's chances of finding help and rescuing all survivors.

As a moderator, you are assigned as the leader of one of the life boats, and you are given first pick for your crew. Since the other moderators have their own life boats to head up, you may not pick any of them.

Your life boat seats a total of 6, yourself included. You have food and fresh water to last a week and a half. Compose your crew, and give your reasoning for each.

Also, Giant Squids are actually bigger than Colossal Squids, Arcbell. Please learn your Cephalopoda.

an actual metaphor by a moderator for how epicmafia is a sinking ship

Spam Lucid out

When are you coming to Britain

gimme 2 years.

AMA

A wall of text is something that is frowned upon in most, actually virtually all Internet societies, including forums, chat boards, and Uncyclopedia. You should not make walls of text because it can get you banned anywhere unless it is a place that encourages walls of text. I highly doubt any place does support something so irritating and annoying, but anything can exist, but not really because unless you are in heaven then that can happen. But no one actually knows that was just a hypothesis, a lame one that is. Actually not really lame. You can create a wall of text supporting site, but you would be hated if you do that, so do not. But you can if you like, but I discourage that. Now on to the actual information of walls of texts. The wall of text was invented when the Internet was invented, but actually it was slow at that time. So whenever it became fast. But there would need to be some free or not free community for people, and that community would be able to have walls of text. But that community probably wouldn't have actually invented the wall of text. So basically, no one except God and Al Gore knows when or where or how the wall of text existed/was invented. Noobs probably invented, but probably not. Who knows. Walls of texts are usually filled with a lot of useless information and junk. Information and junk can be the same, but only if the information is junk or the junk is information. But who cares. The information/junk inside a wall of text are usually related to wherever the wall of text is located, but the best walls of text, which are actually the most irritating, most eye-bleeding ones, are completely random. Walls of text usually make the reader asplode or have their eyes bleed and fall out of their sockets. A number of people can stand it, but not read them. Actually some people can stand and read them. Those people do not have short attention spans.

come to america so i can pinch your little baby cheeks

asl