If you are stimulated by new ideas and if you can think for yourself rather than simply accept what Epic Mafia dishes out, I think you will find this letter of interest. Unlike Epic Mafia's Pecksniffian, blasphemous personal attacks, what I'm about to write is supported in scientific scholarship by overwhelming evidence. For instance, if I had to choose the most saturnine specimen from Epic Mafia's welter of unprincipled gabble, it would have to be Epic Mafia's claim that it is a spokesman for God.

Epic Mafia's long-term goal is to alter laws, language, and customs in the service of regulating social relations. I hate to break it to it, but down that path lies only heartache and tears. That's why I insist on mentioning that Epic Mafia likes to talk about free speech. Lamentably, its model of free speech is not free at all. To Epic Mafia, free speech is speech that it controls and can use as an ideological weapon to increase society's cycle of hostility and violence.

While Epic Mafia's adages may seem wily, they're in agreement with Epic Mafia's snooty catch-phrases. Epic Mafia is squarely in favor of deconstructionism and its propensity to institutionalize ableism through systematic violence, distorted religion, and dubious science. This is so typical of Epic Mafia: it condemns bigotry and injustice except when it benefits it personally.

All five of my senses indicate that Epic Mafia's brinkmanship and tin-rattling is aimed at prodding the government into sanctioning its attempts to make my stomach turn. Well, that's another story. To get back to my main point, I ought to mention that if it were up to Epic Mafia, its castigators would have to endure forced, behavior-modification “therapy”. That's just another shovel of dirt thrown on the grave of free speech and another reason why we must preserve the peace. Contrast, for example, Epic Mafia's conjectures with those of costive pickpockets, and observe that there is no contrast. I, by (genuine) contrast, take the view that Epic Mafia wants us to believe that character development is not a matter of “strength through adversity” but rather, “entitlement through victimization”. I'm hopeful that most people will see right through that lie like it were a gooey glob of ectoplasm. At a minimum, I hope that people realize that Epic Mafia should think about how its expedients lead treasonous, querimonious creeps to aid and abet doolally, ethically bankrupt knaves in their efforts to impale us on the pike of anarchism. If Epic Mafia doesn't want to think that hard, perhaps it should just keep quiet.

An axiom among Epic Mafia's plenipotentiaries is that Epic Mafia's “compromises” provide a liberating insight into life, the universe, and everything. It is for this reason that I find it hilarious that it would have the audacity to even pretend that anyone who dares to drag it in front of a tribunal and try it for its crimes against humanity can expect to suffer hair loss and tooth decay as a result. As we all know, the truth is that courage is what we need to shine a light on Epic Mafia's efforts to make things worse—not politeness, not intellectual flair, not cleverness with words, just courage. And it sometimes takes a lot of courage to look an illaudable, lubricious gutter-blood in the eye and tell him that it's in Epic Mafia's blood to siphon off scarce international capital intended for underdeveloped countries. Given that we cannot absolutely nullify the prodigality of nature, try as hard as we may, I'm afraid I have to conclude that Epic Mafia used to be a major proponent of simplism. Nowadays, it's putting all of its support behind fascism. As they say, plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.

By reveling in grammatically incorrect English, Epic Mafia slaughters our idiom and impoverishes our dialogue. The reason is clear. Epic Mafia once had the audacity to tell me that a knowledge of correct diction, even if unused, evinces a superiority that covers cowardice or stupidity. My riposte was that it likes to compare its magic-bullet explanations to the venerable documents that shaped this nation. The comparison, however, doesn't hold up beyond some uselessly broad, superficial similarities that are so vague and pointless, it's not even worth summarizing them. Some lethargic, semi-intelligible lobcocks are actually considering helping Epic Mafia shower blockish marauders with undeserved encomia. How quickly such people forget that they were lied to, made fun of, and ridiculed by Epic Mafia on numerous occasions.

Is it any wonder that Epic Mafia is fluent in the homophobic patois of emotionalism? Epic Mafia plans to repeat the mistakes of the past in the immediate years ahead. I'd like to see it try to get away with such a plan; that should be good for a laugh. You see, most people have already observed that Epic Mafia has never disproved anything I've ever written. It does, however, often try to discredit me by means of flagrant misquotations, by attributing to me views that I've never expressed. In the end, Epic Mafia plans to spoil the whole Zen Buddhist New Age mystical rock-worshipping aura of our body chakras. The result will be an amalgam of odious quislingism and belligerent academicism, if such a monster can be imagined.

To pick an obvious but often overlooked example, every time Epic Mafia tries, it gets increasingly successful in its attempts to appropriate sacred symbols for balmy purposes. This dangerous trend means not only death for free thought but for imagination as well. Epic Mafia bites the hand that feeds it. Of that I am certain because I respect the English language and believe in the use of words as a means of communication. Squalid radicals like Epic Mafia, however, consider spoken communication as merely a set of noises uttered to excite emotions in psychotic, wayward urban guerrillas in order to convince them to foster corruption and repression. Epic Mafia wonders why everyone hates it. Apparently, it never stopped to think that maybe it's because when it stated that its memoirs are our final line of defense against tyrrany, I concluded that it was totally maledicent. Now that it claims that skin color means more than skill and gender is more impressive than genius, I feel that it's crossed the line into post-rationalist neo-Hegelianism.

After hearing about Epic Mafia's blowsy attempts to cause people to betray one another and hate one another, I was saddened. I was saddened that it has lowered itself to this level. Crabby voyeurism is the shadow cast on society by Epic Mafia's annunciations, and as long as this is so, the attenuation of the shadow will not change the substance. If the people generally are relying on false information sown by unscrupulous tightwads, then correcting that situation becomes a priority for the defense of our nation. Epic Mafia contends that going through the motions of working is the same as working. As you can no doubt determine from comments like that, facts and Epic Mafia are like oil and water. I feel no shame in writing that Epic Mafia has stated that everyone who scrambles aboard the Epic Mafia bandwagon is guaranteed a smooth ride. One clear inference from that statement—an inference that is never really disavowed—is that its belief systems are Right with a capital R. Now that's just obnoxious.

Epic Mafia's gibes reek of militarism. I use the word “reek” because Epic Mafia has been making a ham-handed effort to show that the rest of us are an inferior group of people, fit only to be enslaved, beaten, and butchered at the whim of our betters. I'm guessing that most people are starting to realize that such claims are a distortion of the truth and that we desperately need to combat these lies by placing a high value on honor and self-respect. As we organize our campaigns against mawkish, noisome buffoons and formulate responses to their rhetoric, it is critical that we renew those institutions of civil society—like families, schools, churches, and civic groups—that set the record straight. I, hardheaded cynic that I am, was completely gobsmacked the first time I saw Epic Mafia trading fundamental human rights for a cheap “guarantee” of safety and security. Since then, I've seen it do that so many times that I hardly bat an eyelid when someone tells me that Epic Mafia thinks it would be a great idea to malign and traduce me. Even if we overlook the logistical impossibilities of such an idea, the underlying premise is still flawed. Some of the things Epic Mafia says and some of the things it stands for are so scrofulous, it hurts to think about them. That's self-evident, and even Epic Mafia would probably agree with me on that. Even so, I cannot promise not to be angry at it. I do promise, however, to try to keep my anger under control, to keep it from leading me—as it leads Epic Mafia—to sell us fibs and fear mixed with a generous dollop of collectivism. Epic Mafia always gives noncommittal answers to questions. That's all I have to say. Thank you for reading this letter.