founding member of the Kaitlin Bennett hate-club

lost my gameboy advance on holiday in Patagonia when I was 8, if anyone's seen it, it was purple and had a sticker of a treefrog on it

only reason I don't support throwing eggs and milkshakes at Nazis is because it's not vegan friendly - contact me if you want to help me set up a plant-based alternative store for antifascist comestible missiles

irk the purists, it's a right good laugh

there is nothing wrong with having a foot fetish, but please remember to regularly trim your toenails - still have trouble getting the taste of the grime underneath her big toe out of my head and it's been months already

when Keith Richards dies I've got dibs on his skin to make a handbag out of

was the leading goalscorer in the West Yorkshire under-14s County Cup in 2006 - finally ready to admit that my extra-time winner in the semi-final went in off my hand though - sorry Allerton Grange please forgive me

what made Colombia famous will make a prick out of you

lumpy gravy should be a war crime

I'm a surprisingly smooth talker and I am invincible in these sunglasses

gg I was maf

Numpties list: dodge on sight

• Zovea/UniversalStudios
• navidivan
• GlennulousTJr
• KeyserSoze
• SeanLeighton
• iAmDeMefia