Hella

Dear God, why did you make sharks evil? I would like them to be on my team.
23
UK
part of  family
 
1,477
8
1249
24wins25losses1left

I'm trapped in a mobile phone. Please rescue and/or reassure me.


Humbly, I encourage the average theatre-goer to avoid unnecessary glances from local goatsmiths. Those reckless individuals endanger the lives and likelihoods of all those around them, and are not to be tolerated, by government order.


Several years ago, I had my teeth removed and ushered in a small flock of tiny birds to nest in my gums. When I open my mouth wide, they all fly out to gather food for me, their host.

During nesting season, these tooth-birds cause me constant grief. Sitting in their nests on my lower jaw, I can feel their minute beaks endlessly pecking and tearing at sensitive gum-flesh in order to feed their many young. Occasionally there is reason to release a tooth-weasel to keep the population down during these trying times, though it's undulating body is immensely ticklish and inevitably is swallowed.

The benefits of tooth-birds often outweigh the negatives, though one should always be wary of bootleg tooth-birds. Once I saw a man who had an adult vulture in his mouth, sold to him by a rogue dentist in '98; he didn't have the heart to force it to leave, because it had imprinted on him during the installation operation. It was like the son he'd never had, except larger, feathered, with an insatiable appetite for carrion.

Stickers

Questions

deletedabout 9 years
Why are you so slow at poking?
Why are you so obsessively fast?
deletedabout 9 years
You sent Hella a poke!
STOP SHAMING ME, I CAN'T TAKE IT
over 9 years
No, you.
Apart from it's definitely you.
deletedover 9 years
poke pls
nope

Achievements

4 / 20Super Sleuth!
2 / 20Clint Eastwood
2 / 20I'm Miller, I Swear!
1 / 25Explosion!
almost 5 years
i mean, yeah, most of their political leaders support racial genocide. but maybe we just started on the wrong foot. maybe theres something more to their cold sociopathic eyes dont you think so
almost 5 years
whats so wrong about fish people, really?
theyre not that different! unless you count their freakish eyes or ability to survive underwater.
about 5 years
theres a worrying trend of fish people hating you, what did you do to cause this
about 5 years
i think you need a fish counselor.
about 5 years
how do you truly know the fish are taking the unwanted stuff. they could be scamming you for all you know, not like you're an expert on it, like car mechanics scam people who dont know about cars
over 5 years
that would be hurtful towards ur feet, ur lying to them, making them think they can type, dont you think so
over 5 years
gawrsh hi hella i hope u are enjoying your new bird teeth
over 5 years
i think you should kill two birds with one stone and get computers socks, or computers made of socks. but glad you're alive buddy
over 5 years
personally i feel like a shooting star right now, u rarely see it, but instead of granting wishes i grant racism
over 5 years
hows it going hella
about 6 years
that was strangely insightful, in a way
about 6 years
nice to hear, good to hear, cool to hear, nice.

hmm, i guess i would describe my current situation as a small bird whos smart enough to make orange juice, but hes more of a chocolate milk guy, he also doesnt have taste buds, if you know what im saying.
about 6 years
after reading your profile out im deeply concerned
about 6 years
hows it going hella
about 6 years
deletedover 6 years
not at all !!
deletedover 6 years
please
deletedover 6 years
you got me into the growlers
deletedover 6 years
pleaseaccept
over 6 years
u should also include im RIPPED, if u ask me, also that im cool