Life Pro Tip5
Become a politician in an African country to get a piece of the $148 billion lost to corruption
The trick is to find a mid tier African country. Countries like Nigeria and South Africa are too nice. Your money won’t get you far. Places like Somalia and South Sudan are too dangerous. You want to find a Goldilocks country that isn’t war torn, but is still poor, like Liberia.
First, save up around $10,000. Most people have at least $10,000 saved up. If not, it should only take you a year to save $10,000 working a sh*tty job and being frugal. If your job is really sh*tty, move into your car, stop paying your health insurance and only eat Ramen until you get to 10k. With $10,000 you will be in Liberia’s top 1%. It will get you very far.
Next, fly to Liberia and use your money to start a political campaign. Your best move will be to run on a platform of anti-corruption. Since all the officials are corrupt, people will be eager for someone to drain the swamp. Go around like a modern day Mansa Musa and give each person you meet 20 cents and a 100 flyers with your platform. Tell them to hand out all the flyers but be kind and charismatic in how you talk to them. Run for mayor so you don’t have to give out too many flyers. Eventually you’re going to work up to the president, but we need to start small. Give impassioned speeches exposing corruption and post them on social media. Do other sh*t to get elected, be creative! $10,000 will get you very far!
It shouldn’t be an issue that you are not native to the country. Remember, George Washington wasn’t born in the United States! If your platform is good enough it will overshadow any concerns of you being a foreigner. Lucky for you, Liberia was founded by freed African American slaves during the back to Africa movement. This means they all speak English! Just be sure to be well informed on the country’s history, politics and culture.
Once you’re elected, enact anti-corruption laws and actually try and help the community. Work on providing plumbing, electricity and WiFi to all citizens. Pave new roads, improve old roads, improve schools, do everything you can to fix the communities problems! At the same time behind the scenes, start embezzling tax payer money. It should be easy to get away with, don’t get greedy and take too much, just skim off the top.
Use the money you gain from that office to fund a presidential campaign. So long as you’ve been a good mayor on paper, people will start to back you. Use the same tactics you used in your mayoral campaign but on a larger scale. Again, be f*cking Mr. Rodgers. Use your stolen money to give back to the people. Help towns build wells, give food to the poor, work with charities to build a better tomorrow for these people. If you do everything right, there’s a strong chance you will be elected president.
As president DON’T CHANGE INTO A D*CK. You don’t want to lose the public’s support. Enlist the help of U.N to help purge your nation of corruption. Arrest corrupt officials, while building infrastructure and investing money into your country. Continue to help the poor. As more corrupt officials are taken out of power, you will have more money to steal for yourself. Again, don’t be greedy just skim off the top.
Be careful when dealing with the military, they’re corrupt but you can’t touch them. They will kill you if you try anything on your own. You really need to be the militaries b*tch if you want to live. This is optional, but you could become allies with the west and get them to back you in ending corruption in the military. This will likely start a civil war, but if you have U.S backing you should be okay. Just tell the U.S that the side you are versing is full of Islamic jhadists. The U.S will make quick work of your rag tag band of enemies. If you win you will have no more liabilities to worry about.
After all this, you will be popular, you will have helped a nation of millions and most importantly, you will have enriched yourself beyond your wildest dreams. Be a good leader, don’t turn into a dictator, help people, do the right thing (except for the stealing money part), and genuinely try to make the country a better place to live.