Sorta goodbye thread?198

deleted4mon 5d

So, I've been kinda dodging this for a while - it's been in the cards for months, now, but I've continued to stay here regardless, because, as I'm sure everybody here knows, I love drama. I really do. It's fun. But it's also consuming and takes away resources from much less questionable pursuits.

The fact of the matter is that sandbox is exhausting. I'm glad that we're at where we are now, compared to sandbox (and EM as a whole) when it was filled with 4channers and the like, but frankly, half the userbase acts like teenagers on tumblr who've just found out that they're capable of forming opinions. And that's exhausting.

It's exhausting being hounded obsessively by people who hate you. It's exhausting arguing with bigots who spontaneously decide they care about social justice whenever they engage with you. It's exhausting arguing with people who expect earnest responses to their bad faith strawmen. It's exhausting having to avoid games with users who harass you, but everybody else is fine with. It's exhausting having straight up bigotry thrown at you, and the people so concerned with your supposed problematic behavior giving it a pass, or even worse, DEFENDING it. It's frankly just exhausting, period, and honestly, this rant in and of itself is overly self-indulgent.

That's not to say there aren't users here that I like - in fact, there's quite a lot of you, and I appreciate you all dearly. Despite the constant drama and "discourse" here (again, a euphemism), there've been people who stuck by me, and that's something I value. Hopefully, y'all can salvage this hellsite and turn it into something meaningful.

Anyway, I don't really know what I'm doing yet , but I intend to scale back the time I spend on EM and dedicate it towards more meaningful, or at least, less irritating endeavors. I might come back to play minigames and such from time to time, and I'll still be active in Crackbox (https://discord.gg/WkmYJ4H if you want to keep up with me there). But either way, I'm hoping to disengage from all... this.

I probably should have done this a while ago, honestly. The fact of the matter is, when you stay in toxic environments long enough, you find yourself becoming toxic in response, like it or not. Sometimes, the situation is just unsalvageable, and all you can do - for yourself, and for others, is walk away. So that's what I intend to do.

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TedTonateMay 26, 2020
+1
Great pro here.
spaceMay 26, 2020
+2
"How many times do we celebrate the manipulative and abusive users of this community because they make 'sick roasts on the lobby wall about someone we don't like?' How many awkwardly racial jokes are allowed to slide because the user has been here for years and set an abhorrent example of what is acceptable here?"
spaceMay 26, 2020
+1
Nimau
I told people to respect everyone and that it's gross that people who actively bully others
space
the onus isn't on people of color to be nice** to racists. we are people, not lessons in humility and grace. bappho's racist infractions have been brought up over and over and i really never once saw anyone tell her to be considerate of the people of color around her.
Nimau
Glad we're in agreement since I said literally nothing to the contrary.
**this one is my mistake. it should have said nice or respecful.
NimauMay 26, 2020
+1
There is a world of difference between being nice to someone and not deliberately misgendering them. No person has the right to strip others of that level of humanity. No one gets to decide who does and does not get to be treated like a person.
GyroGearlooseMay 26, 2020
+3
was anyone misgendering her?
Shwartz99May 26, 2020
what happened here was that both sides thought they were right in calling out the other side for different reasons. if youre going to consider callouts "bullying" one way then it was bullying the other way too.
neruMay 26, 2020
people uninvolved with this shіte were
unless something happened offsite
meowMay 26, 2020!
+17

it’s time for everyone to stop postin in this thread
neruMay 26, 2020
btw does everyone consider aphobia justified? asking for a friend. only tangential to op
NimauMay 26, 2020
+1
Shwartz99
what happened here was that both sides thought they were right in calling out the other side for different reasons. if youre going to consider callouts "bullying" one way then it was bullying the other way too.
People are right for calling out bappho for what she's done and it's right to call out other people for what they've done...why does anything have to be sides? Why does this community have such an ingrained "us vs them" attitude that people who are otherwise allies of various marginalized groups will just as quickly make hateful comments about them to fit their agenda? Why is the very concept of decency so offensive? No matter what I've ever thought of another person in my LIFE I've never compelled to use their race, gender, orientation, or any other part of who they are and how they were born to attack them and it breaks my heart that the bar in this community is set so low.

The whole reason I used to like being here was that this is one of the only communities I have been a part of that was supposed to be better than that. Despite all of it's flaws people held each other accountable for this kind of stuff. I don't know if people are just becoming more and more disconnected from being in isolation but the respect anyone has for each other around here has plummeted. It's gross that bappho wasn't more harshly punished for the things she said. It's gross that people continue their own abhorrent behaviour and celebrate and defend it going unchecked by the community. It's gross that this site has developed such a culture of victim blaming and shaming against anyone who doesn't tolerate it.

There is plenty of actual bullying that goes on in this community. Calling people out for their bigoted behaviour is not bullying, it's holding each other to a higher standard.
Shwartz99May 26, 2020
so do you think that "holding each other to a higher standard" failed in this case, or were the callouts at least somewhat effective?
nepentheMay 26, 2020
+1
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USAMay 26, 2020
deleted
DkKobaMay 26, 2020
Nimau
There is plenty of actual bullying that goes on in this community. Calling people out for their bigoted behaviour is not bullying, it's holding each other to a higher standard.
I've been saying this for months.
DkKobaMay 26, 2020
shouko
right now there's also no mods from sandbox and no community mods (these often are the same people). this means community vios often get buried underneath game related vios

for instance when i modded i specifically was the community mod who handled most community related reports and also generally handled the forums and community relations. now no one is doing that
person good at game also good at community report pee pee poo poo
USAMay 26, 2020
-1
At what point do these "call outs" stop? The report showing d1p being too sexual was over a year ago and I haven't really seen that behavior recently (just because I haven't seen it doesn't mean it's not happening). So if a person changes, do they still get called out every time they post or when does it stop?
neruMay 26, 2020
+3
probably once they actually acknowledge that what they did was wrong and genuinely apologize for it. the total opposite of which happened
DkKobaMay 26, 2020
+1
neru
probably once they actually acknowledge that what they did was wrong and genuinely apologize for it. the total opposite of which happened
this. an apology has to occur. There are users who have said things b4 who I have seen give genuine remorse + made changes, I have 1 in mind, but otherwise people haven't rly apologized for sh!t they've done.


throwback to how bebop never apologized for being a factor in why tifennie left the site by abusing his mod privileges to help bully her and the others involved and ppl still praise him.

at least the current sandbox userbase isn't as bad as it was b4 and alyssa's ownership has led to a more decent community.
GolbolcoMay 26, 2020
poasting in an epic bread
FurryMay 26, 2020
+3
Check out this LGBT creator on the rise! :)