Sorta goodbye thread?198

deleted4mon 10d

So, I've been kinda dodging this for a while - it's been in the cards for months, now, but I've continued to stay here regardless, because, as I'm sure everybody here knows, I love drama. I really do. It's fun. But it's also consuming and takes away resources from much less questionable pursuits.

The fact of the matter is that sandbox is exhausting. I'm glad that we're at where we are now, compared to sandbox (and EM as a whole) when it was filled with 4channers and the like, but frankly, half the userbase acts like teenagers on tumblr who've just found out that they're capable of forming opinions. And that's exhausting.

It's exhausting being hounded obsessively by people who hate you. It's exhausting arguing with bigots who spontaneously decide they care about social justice whenever they engage with you. It's exhausting arguing with people who expect earnest responses to their bad faith strawmen. It's exhausting having to avoid games with users who harass you, but everybody else is fine with. It's exhausting having straight up bigotry thrown at you, and the people so concerned with your supposed problematic behavior giving it a pass, or even worse, DEFENDING it. It's frankly just exhausting, period, and honestly, this rant in and of itself is overly self-indulgent.

That's not to say there aren't users here that I like - in fact, there's quite a lot of you, and I appreciate you all dearly. Despite the constant drama and "discourse" here (again, a euphemism), there've been people who stuck by me, and that's something I value. Hopefully, y'all can salvage this hellsite and turn it into something meaningful.

Anyway, I don't really know what I'm doing yet , but I intend to scale back the time I spend on EM and dedicate it towards more meaningful, or at least, less irritating endeavors. I might come back to play minigames and such from time to time, and I'll still be active in Crackbox (https://discord.gg/WkmYJ4H if you want to keep up with me there). But either way, I'm hoping to disengage from all... this.

I probably should have done this a while ago, honestly. The fact of the matter is, when you stay in toxic environments long enough, you find yourself becoming toxic in response, like it or not. Sometimes, the situation is just unsalvageable, and all you can do - for yourself, and for others, is walk away. So that's what I intend to do.

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himaMay 23, 2020
+5
i think the core lesson that bappho - and many others in this thread who know who they are - neglected to learn is that respect goes both ways. you need to give it out if you want to receive it. you dont get to demand respect while not giving it out.

that also means understanding that you are not the only person in the world. you arent the only thing that matters. you dont get to do things that make other people uncomfortable (such as being overtly sexual on an all-ages website after REPEATEDLY being asked to stop) and then get angry when those people dislike you. you dont get to tell lies about other people with impunity, because sooner or later, youll have alienated every single person in your life until no one wants anything to do with you. and thats pretty much what happened here.

actions have consequences. decisions require forethought. its up to you to make sure that what you are putting into this community is good, because eventually, you will reap what youve sown - and if all youve been doing is insulting and harming others, you only have yourself to blame when it comes back around.
emsychumMay 23, 2020
hi lets not talk about abuse victims to someone who is an abuse victim pls thank u
emsychumMay 23, 2020
i love it when people sympathize for a user who harassed me in a thread where i said they harassed me
emsychumMay 23, 2020
+1
i'm simply saying, whether or not the words are thrown at you, we should get down to it and simply report it when its been said instead of harboring information to use as ammo later which is beyond prevalent in sandbox. but thanks! i really needed to be told that i dont understand abuse victims !
NimauMay 23, 2020
+2
kauzu1
They don't think victims need to stand up for themselves or that bully's arent always as intentionally awful as people assume.
Cannot even fathom how you came to this conclusion. If it does not bother you how people in this or any other community treat others you are free to not participate in that discussion. I don't want to be a part of ANY community so apathetic to how other people or treated, and I'd say most people feel the same.

Most people, regardless of their views on...nearly anything, have certain morals and standards that they expect others to be held to. You don't have to feel the same, and if you feel that nothing said or done to people here matters or "needs to be judged" unless the person is reported for it that's your prerogative but I'd appreciate you not attempting to discourage others from doing so.

This is an incredibly tight knit community. People here have met, become best friends, fallen in love, even gotten married. That's all awesome, but there is a dark side to that. There are abusers who people have survived and continue to have to face just by being here, there are sexual predators who have taken advantage of vulnerable people, especially people too young to know better, there are bullies who safely torment their victims by hiding behind their friends, and there are liars and manipulators who thrive off of trashing people that they feel threatened by. You do not have to care or hold people accountable for what they do. I do, and so do many others. Frankly, anyone who has spent any amount of time here has probably been victim to one of the above from another member of this community at some point. I have a hard time putting myself in your shoes of being apathetic to how other people here are treated but I'm not okay with you trying to discourage people from caring.
NimauMay 23, 2020
+1
emsychum
hi lets not talk about abuse victims to someone who is an abuse victim pls thank u
I have survived my own abusers and continue to spend almost every day being tormented by what I went through. I am sorry that you have had your own experiences as well but you are not the only person who has suffered abuse and I don't appreciate being discouraged from talking about it especially when it is unfortunately something that has been prevalent within this very community. Every single day I rely on the love and support of my friends, family, and doctors to maintain the self confidence that I have worked so very hard to build and speaking up for others is critically important to maintaining the mindset I have fought hard to maintain: that I am a survivor, and not a victim.
NimauMay 23, 2020
+2
And while your next post may or may not have been directed at me, Shou accused me of this earlier so I will say this again. At no point at all have I sympathized with bappho for how they have treated you or anyone else, and there have been some that very clearly do like the one I just responded to and that upsets me greatly. I know that feeling of seeing someone who has treated you horribly and watching that treatment simply be ignored and waived off by others around them, and it's beyond upsetting. It's been one of the most difficult parts of my recovery process and it's something I still go through nearly every day, through people I thought were my friends, through people who considered me family, and even people on this website.

It's a horrible, sickening feeling, and I just wanted to reiterate that my point has NEVER been excusing the actions of any member of this community, but rather holding people accountable for their actions even if they are the aforementioned person's 'enemy.' I want MORE accountability and I want MORE people being called out on their behaviour. If anything I've said has reached even 1 person and made them more willing to not stand for how their "friends" treat others, or made even 1 person reflect on their own behaviour, then I'm happy. But until I reach the point where I cannot handle being here anymore, which I felt I was nearly at only a few weeks ago and had to take some time off, I'm never going to stop fighting for that.
kauzu1May 23, 2020!
-redacted-
kauzu1May 24, 2020
Oi. Kicking a dead horse this thread is dead but it's been brought to my attention some people might view Nim badly for some of the stuff I said. I phrased some crap pretty badly so anyone reading back along this try to get my point beyond the wording. I was disagreeing with interpreted views and I don't think they're a bad person or necessarily have most of those views. I'm sorry to Nim because it seems like they've been through a lot and though unintentional I upset them.
aquariusMay 24, 2020
Nimau
Shou accused me of this earlier so I will say this again.
i didn't accuse you of anything but ok
NimauMay 24, 2020
+1
aquarius
you're telling people who have completely legitimate complaints that they're invalid because they're transphobic or have other problematic stances. What are you telling the people of color in this thread?
spaceMay 24, 2020
+13
the onus isn't on people of color to be nice to racists. we are people, not lessons in humility and grace. bappho's racist infractions have been brought up over and over and i really never once saw anyone tell her to be considerate of the people of color around her.
dzkeMay 24, 2020
+5
aquariusMay 26, 2020
Nimau
aquarius
you're telling people who have completely legitimate complaints that they're invalid because they're transphobic or have other problematic stances. What are you telling the people of color in this thread?
so what am i accusing you of..? at most i guess i accused you of ignorance. i'm just trying to show you how your words are coming off to others. whether or not you intended to be willfully ignorant to poc, that's how you sound.
debaserMay 26, 2020
+2
space
the onus isn't on people of color to be nice to racists. we are people, not lessons in humility and grace. bappho's racist infractions have been brought up over and over and i really never once saw anyone tell her to be considerate of the people of color around her.
debaserMay 26, 2020
deleted
NimauMay 26, 2020
+2
space
the onus isn't on people of color to be nice to racists. we are people, not lessons in humility and grace. bappho's racist infractions have been brought up over and over and i really never once saw anyone tell her to be considerate of the people of color around her.
Glad we're in agreement since I said literally nothing to the contrary. Shocked you have apparently not seen people call her out on being inconsiderate as myself and from what I've seen most of this website have done it constantly.

aquarius
Nimau
aquarius
you're telling people who have completely legitimate complaints that they're invalid because they're transphobic or have other problematic stances. What are you telling the people of color in this thread?
so what am i accusing you of..? at most i guess i accused you of ignorance. i'm just trying to show you how your words are coming off to others. whether or not you intended to be willfully ignorant to poc, that's how you sound.
It is not ignorant to stand up to others even if those other people have also been victimized. If you choose to ignore my words and instead create your own message from it completely disconnected from anything I've said that's your choice.

I'm done responding to gross, nonconstructive rhetoric because people think they can use another person's intolerance and bigotry to justify and mask their own. Sickening thread.
gayshowmasterMay 26, 2020
Am I problematic?
shoukoMay 26, 2020
+1
Nimau
space
the onus isn't on people of color to be nice to racists. we are people, not lessons in humility and grace. bappho's racist infractions have been brought up over and over and i really never once saw anyone tell her to be considerate of the people of color around her.
Glad we're in agreement since I said literally nothing to the contrary. Shocked you have apparently not seen people call her out on being inconsiderate as myself and from what I've seen most of this website have done it constantly.

aquarius
Nimau
aquarius
you're telling people who have completely legitimate complaints that they're invalid because they're transphobic or have other problematic stances. What are you telling the people of color in this thread?
so what am i accusing you of..? at most i guess i accused you of ignorance. i'm just trying to show you how your words are coming off to others. whether or not you intended to be willfully ignorant to poc, that's how you sound.
It is not ignorant to stand up to others even if those other people have also been victimized. If you choose to ignore my words and instead create your own message from it completely disconnected from anything I've said that's your choice.

I'm done responding to gross, nonconstructive rhetoric because people think they can use another person's intolerance and bigotry to justify and mask their own. Sickening thread.
you just told people to respect someone, who hasn't respected anyone here ever, because she was bullied.

you really willing to die on this hill?
shoukoMay 26, 2020
+1
you're also conflating bullying with being called out. no one deserves to be bullied. some people deserve to be called out, especially when they show zero remorse.