Sorta goodbye thread?198
So, I've been kinda dodging this for a while - it's been in the cards for months, now, but I've continued to stay here regardless, because, as I'm sure everybody here knows, I love drama. I really do. It's fun. But it's also consuming and takes away resources from much less questionable pursuits.
The fact of the matter is that sandbox is exhausting. I'm glad that we're at where we are now, compared to sandbox (and EM as a whole) when it was filled with 4channers and the like, but frankly, half the userbase acts like teenagers on tumblr who've just found out that they're capable of forming opinions. And that's exhausting.
It's exhausting being hounded obsessively by people who hate you. It's exhausting arguing with bigots who spontaneously decide they care about social justice whenever they engage with you. It's exhausting arguing with people who expect earnest responses to their bad faith strawmen. It's exhausting having to avoid games with users who harass you, but everybody else is fine with. It's exhausting having straight up bigotry thrown at you, and the people so concerned with your supposed problematic behavior giving it a pass, or even worse, DEFENDING it. It's frankly just exhausting, period, and honestly, this rant in and of itself is overly self-indulgent.
That's not to say there aren't users here that I like - in fact, there's quite a lot of you, and I appreciate you all dearly. Despite the constant drama and "discourse" here (again, a euphemism), there've been people who stuck by me, and that's something I value. Hopefully, y'all can salvage this hellsite and turn it into something meaningful.
Anyway, I don't really know what I'm doing yet , but I intend to scale back the time I spend on EM and dedicate it towards more meaningful, or at least, less irritating endeavors. I might come back to play minigames and such from time to time, and I'll still be active in Crackbox (https://discord.gg/WkmYJ4H if you want to keep up with me there). But either way, I'm hoping to disengage from all... this.
I probably should have done this a while ago, honestly. The fact of the matter is, when you stay in toxic environments long enough, you find yourself becoming toxic in response, like it or not. Sometimes, the situation is just unsalvageable, and all you can do - for yourself, and for others, is walk away. So that's what I intend to do.
It is sad for you to announce this on your wedding day :(
i mean, you could start by apologizing for saying i have aids and that you hate gay people repeatedly
ty, i might pop in from time to time. i think you're very cool yourself.
If you tried to be nice to him, he would curse you out. If you tried to include him, he'd snap at you. If you tried to laugh with him, he'd put you down. And to my teenage brain, I rationalized that because of that, he didn't deserve being treated with kindness. He wasn't nice, so why should I be nice to him? So he became the butt of my jokes. I would tease him, I would antagonize him, and frankly I just made his life worse by being around him. I didn't insult him or threaten him or ever hurt him but I made no effort to hide the fact that he was the butt of my jokes, and that he deserved to be laughed at.
It didn't occur to me at that time that Brandon was the way he was because of people treating him like that his whole life. I treated Brandon like shit because I told myself he deserved it, because of who he was as a person. No matter what was or was not warranted I always justified it to myself.
I'm deeply ashamed of how I treated Brandon in high school. Even though we made amends, even though I owned up to what I did to him and apologized to him, I can never take back what an awful person I was to him for over a year. Even if I didn't like how he treated me or other people, he never deserved to be tormented by me for it.
For every user who pat each other on the back for making fun of you on discord. For every user who calls you a hypocrite with KiwiFarms or /pol/ open on another tab. For every "progressive" user making transphobic comments behind your back. For every user taking an abhorrent stance on an issue just because it's not the side you're on. I find your lobby wall spam obnoxious, I roll my eyes every time you misuse the terms "bad faith" and "straw man," I avoid being around you because you bring nothing but drama, and I have watched you insult both myself and people I care about for no reason. Yet I still greatly appreciate your value within this community because of the blatant hypocrisy brought to light by so many users when they engage with you. Some of you people make me ashamed to be a part of this community. This community is filled with social outsiders and yet many of you are all too eager to bully people just because you're in an environment where it is socially accepted by your peers to do so.