Okay, so interesting thing I asked my friends the other night while at an event. Normally they all give the same answer to things, but this time, there was a big 50/50 split.
Question: Would you be willing to date someone, even if they don't want to tell you their name?
Just assume that they are open about everything else, but they just don't want to tell you their name. Might have a reason, might not. Might have a GOOD reason, might not. Also, just because they don't want to tell you their name, it doesn't mean that you can't find it out via other means.
Also, they may or may not be open about the REASON why they wish to hide their name.
Would you date someone, even if they didn't want to tell you their name?
anywhom else put their "name" in the trash but don't know what other name would be preferable so if you dated you wouldn't even have a decent name to give
Literally already have. They were gender fluid and didn't care for their birth name, so they just went by a nickname. Asked for their real name, didn't wanna say it, was like "Kay". Eventually (I think a month or two in) they ended up telling me when I had to fill out a mailing address, but yeah, its not that big of a deal. Names are convenient and all that but like, nicknames are fine. Unless you need to do something official, legal name is kind of irrelevant? Literally always call people by nicknames anyways.
AFAIK no therapist would say "don't say your name, ever". Someone going through CBT or PE would acknowledge the reality of the fear but would be finding workable, realistic ways to deal with it. If you're gonna be on the dating market, that ain't one. Still gotta say it at least once.
That story is pretty big and probably ought to be brought up before you even consider entering a relationship with somebody
Well that's a relationship deal breaker if I ever saw one
Hearing the name with a plausible reason as to why they wouldn't want to tell me is fine, I'm not immature enough to use a name someone would prefer not to be called. But if they are open about their reasoning as to why they won't tell you and still won't tell you the name again that's just too fishy.
If they forgot their name, they wouldn't give you a reason and you would believe the name they told you they like to be called is their real one. If they're undercover that's a different story but you still wouldn't know they are hiding a real name because they probably wouldn't be allowed to tell you they're under cover either.
I've seen too many episodes of catfish. No one can change my mind about this lol.
because if you date someone you're intimate with them in many ways, to not know something so simple provides no reason to be close and intimate with this person.
If there was ever a dating red flag, not giving your name would be the biggest. I would immediately assume you're either already married or wanted by the law.
If you can't trust me with your name, how do you expect me to trust you back?
Especially when intimate relationships are built upon trust.
if they don't tell you their name are they not sharing stories about where they grew up/school memories or other stories that would make it easy to find their name? pretty hard to hide a name
If they can't be open about one foundational thing I have little reason to believe they can/will be open about other, more important foundational things
It's not like there's a shortage of people in the world that WOULD be willing to tell me their name that I would also be interested in dating
They have a really ugly/embarrassing name, don't want to be called it, can't get it changed, don't wanna lie to themselves and be called something else.
Hearing their name gives them PTSD/panic attacks caused by earlier trauma.
They were abandoned and lived alone forever and forgot??? their name (it would be hella embarrassing to tell someone you legit forgot your name)
They are under Witness Protection Program and can't reveal their true identity to anyone.
They like mysteries, or like to play a nice kinky mysterious persona.
For some reason they don't believe in names.
all of these would be semi-decent possible reasons that I can think why someone may not want to give their name
And yes, there are always risks of someone not being who you think they are.
But answer this question: what would learning about their name do to change the relationship?
Okay, but as I said: they just don't want to tell you their name.
They can be open about nearly everything else they want to be open about.
Knowing their name wouldn't make them any better or worse as a person, it wouldn't make them more or less attractive (unless you are into certain names).
And as I said there can be a variety of reasons why they wouldn't want to tell you their name.
