Ginga's Thread518

Ginga35mon 13d
+6

My venting thread. Don't use it much anymore, but oh well.

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GingaJan 1, 2019
Which is sort of why I'm feeling the worst right now. Been at home for a few weeks due to winter break, but with school still looming around the corner. Worst of both worlds.

But I'll live. I even have an anime I'm excited about premiering in about a week, so I have something to actively look forward to for a few months, which is a helluva lot better than usual. I'm searching for a job on campus to make some pocket money and give me something to do for a while, so that could be good for me, if I get hired.

On the other side of things, the pressure of good grades is bigger than ever, while I may only have three classes I pretty much need A's in all of them to keep my scholarship, and I need to do about thirty hours of community service for another scholarship. I still have no friends at school, nor do I foresee that changing this semester, unless some kind soul decides to really reach out to me, which is unlikely.
GingaJan 1, 2019
Ginga
most of my family went out of town to celebrate new years without me

so im just sitting in my room doing absolutely nothing to celebrate the new year!! woo!!
Middle of my reread. This happened this year as well!
GingaJan 1, 2019
Anyway, back to the present.

It's rough, it really is. And change isn't something that's going to happen out of the blue, most likely, nor do I have the effort and willpower to change them myself. Depression is a vicious cycle that pretty much actively works to maintain itself and prevent healing, and I'm simply not strong enough to break out of it or do something to help.

But... that's okay, I guess. It's never been so bad where I've hurt myself, nor will I ever kill myself. Which is partially out of apathy and fear of death more than anything else, but whatever works, right? At least I've got some room to go in either direction.
GingaJan 1, 2019
Ginga
im probably just a stupid kid going through a stupid phase that im going to look back on in 5 years and be like 'wow i sure was a little emo brat back then wasting my opportunities and nice cushy life'
Four years to go, guys!
GingaJan 1, 2019
Wow, holy shit, my rants last year were really attention-seeking. Gross. I guess I've at least improved a little? More... accepting of things, I guess. I'm on step five of the grieving process!

I'm not sure if all of this helped. I think I want to write about other things I'm passionate about, but that scale is very limited. Mostly just the game of the month that I'm into, or about my dumb brain. But eh, who knows when the next time I'll log into Epicmafia is. I'll probably have something to write about then.
GingaJan 1, 2019
Ginga
Ginga
most of my family went out of town to celebrate new years without me

so im just sitting in my room doing absolutely nothing to celebrate the new year!! woo!!
Middle of my reread. This happened this year as well!
Actually, this is misleading. They asked me if I wanted to come, but I was sleeping, and didn't feel like getting up. So it's my fault.
deletedJan 2, 2019
i love you
deletedJan 2, 2019
ily king
GingaJan 4, 2019
Thank you to my adoring fans who love me. Not sure why they do, but hey, I'm not complaining!
noshiJun 21, 2019
+1
ur cute
GingaJun 29, 2019
noshi
ur cute
i dont know who u are but thank u i love u no homo
GingaJun 29, 2019
Ginga
I think there are two major things that hurt my mental state. Well, there are a lot more than two things, but there are two major, more or less unchangeable things. Being at home (as in, my home that my family lives in and I live during breaks and summer), and being in school. I know, I know, I'm a college teenager. Those are the two places I go to. I'm just saying everything I do hurts my mental state.

Which is true, but not what I mean this time.

I mean, being at home... just isn't pleasant. I can't put my finger on it exactly. A combination of not getting along well with my family, nostalgia, and the limited, restrictive feeling it gives. As of now while I can't drive, if I'm at home, I'm at home. That's it.

On the flip side, school... school is awful. I'm just not cut out for it, the only reason I still go to college is because a good job would be nice. And I don't know what I'd do if I wasn't in it. But I have a minimal, near non-existent work ethic, I lack passion for my degree (or any degree), I'm antisocial, borderline anthropophobic.
by the way i dropped out eff a good job school is the WORST
GingaJun 29, 2019
+1
also i'll do some Epicmafia DLC three years too late and do real no holds barred opinions for any lost souls who still look at these forums (who i actually know)
jbomber732Jun 29, 2019
no holds opinion
GingaJul 10, 2019
jbomber732
no holds opinion
Pretty cool lad who was definitely one of my first internet friends ever
jbomber732Jul 10, 2019
Thanks ChiChi01
alexandraJul 14, 2019
pls give me an opinion the next time u check this
GingaDec 15, 2019
+10
alexandra
pls give me an opinion the next time u check this
best friend with bad taste in men

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