this is a photo diary/dump mostly so i don't clog the art thread but you can also ask me any questions that don't involve politics or my opinion of you
or just tell me about your day if you want to but first you have to write one good thing about yourself each time you do this
alternatively, if you wish to do none of these things, you may post a photo or video of jason segel or ben schwartz OR you may post your favorite vince staples tweet
i solemnenly vow
3 signed
to honor the stars and remember that i cannot appreciate their light without the dark
Terrence I'm really glad to hear that you've had all these awesome and positive changes in your life. I'm also really glad that you've surrounded yourself with people who bring that degree of comfort to you.
super cheesy on my end but I found genuinely good people to surround myself in my final year of college and they have been great to me. I tend to be emotionally unavailable but strangely i've always been available for them
my day has been pretty good except for the heat. time flies by and im trying to add more purpose to my life now that im a grad
i miss my grandparents a lot sometimes i dream about my grandmother and it's always so nice and warm to have her around until i wake up and she's gone again
I am happy that was resolved!! You don't need his weird flaky a$$ back in your life. Once a fucc boy always a fucc boy though... which means I'm almost positive he'll probably hit you up soon again because that's predictable af, and if that happens don't give him any rays of your sunshine bc you are a superstar and he is an idiot.
update: i responded w/ blunt sarcasm and then he wound up calling me (suing zuck for adding that feature to fb messenger) and he tried to be like oh hey gosh long time no see i miss u i wanted to hear ur voice
apparently he got divorced and just spent the last two years in england and his voice got kanye wested i barely recognized him lmfao
and then i was just like "uh no you were a massive waste of my time and i didn't deserve for you to repay all my kindness and loyalty with your shtty behavior" and he was like "oh wow i wish that weren't the case" and i just got all of my resentment out and i realized how grateful i am that even though things ended in the worst way possible, he wasn't in my life the past 5 and a half years. i don't think he realized until just now that his bad decisions have consequences. he rushed into his marriage, they got divorced even though they have a kid and he ran off to england for two years and just go back. and i really feel like i dodged a bullet and now that i got it out of my system.
afterwards i sent him a message saying that i know i sounded hostile but getting everything out was super important to me and that i'm ready to close behind me on that part of my life and that the best thing i could do is not have him be a part of it going forward. i wished him the best of luck in life and i know i did what was right. i can let go of every awful thing that situation did to me and hopefully he'll learn something that will be useful to him in his life going forward.
i feel free as a bird who won't get eaten by prey or hunted by man
Flash all the way forward to yesterday when I felt miserable and alone and thought about him (and a few other guys) and how much our weird Unofficial Thing™ damaged my ability to trust men with how I feel/who I am and how all of that caused me to retreat into myself and has made it difficult for me to have confidence in myself in dating since then whatever whatever. I got over it after getting a good nights rest but about an hour ago I get on FB and see i have a friend request from him and I'm like haha @ The Universe, very funny but GET THIS: I also get a notification saying that “Such and Such F-ckboy Supreme wants to connect with you” and it’s a message saying https://puu.sh/x97IF/0cdb494164.png Which, the fact that he sounds like the pigbrained goon he is aside, feels like such a stab to the dink.
So what I need advice on is this: should I see if it's worth talking about everything and getting it all out of my system so I don't have to carry that emotional baggage or should I just find a way to let it go on my own and keep communication off the table?
tl;dr go back and read it u probably don't have anything better to do if ur on em
Once school started he and I reconnected and would talk on oovoo a lot (pre skype kinda? i have no idea what the outreach of that app was outside of black and latinx kids) and he asked me out again and I was like hey! I don't really trust you! Come visit me at school so we can talk about it face 2 face! And he did! It started snowing outta nowhere and that turned into a storm and it was V Romantix until he kinda ruined it (also not worth getting into) and things got a little weird again. He left not too long afterwards because the storm was getting really bad and when I walked him out I asked him what The Situation was and he, being the filthy aquarius he is, was super vague about it but later that night when he got home he agreed to come visit me again the next weekend. SO! Flash forward two weeks: he never came to visit me but then I get a message on FB from him saying that he had fallen in love with someone else and that he'd hooked up with her when he was supposed to come visit me which obviously made me feel really great and desirable and lovable and because I was such a strong-willed, self-confident, and self caring person at the time I wound up trying to make him feel better about stringing me along because I'm really great at taking focus off of how awful I feel instead of being real with people who do not deserve to know me. On top of all this, during a brief phone call we had, when asked me if I was crying and I said yes, he was gentlemanly enough to say "I'm so sorry, it's not like we were official or anything."
A few months later he calls me out of nowhere and gives me this horse sht apology which I think I begrudgingly accepted without really addressing what he did or how it made me feel and I buried all of that especially after he wound up marrying that girl.
Okay I'm posting this in this thread because I do genuinely want some advice or at least just something that can make me laugh about the situation but here goes:
My senior year of high school I was a new kid because I'd just moved back to the states from DR and since it was the last year of HS, I wasn't entirely fussed about making friends or ~fitting in~ because the experience felt very finite and I just wanted to be able to get into college lmao. But in my last class of the day I hit it off really well with two of my classmates and I was really grateful for it because it helped me quickly get past the culture shock that happens when you've been somewhere so different for so long (relatively speaking, at that point it had been 18% of my life and 75% of those Very Formative high school years). This one guy in particular was really funny and goofy and well-liked by everyone aka the same guy i always fall 4 and he reciprocated and we started to get closer whatever whatever WHATEVER. But things got really murky for a number of reasons. He'd asked me out and I said no because I was apprehensive/didn't trust him (for good reason, nothing particularly worth getting into here but you'll see I was right not to later on) but we still spent a lot of time together because I was helping him with his appeal so he could graduate from HS. Which he did thanks to me because I'm amazing (don't forget this, ever). But once graduation rolled around things had gotten so weird and uncertain that I was just like okay I guess that's over, I'm ready 4 u college boymen. Think again, hunny!
today is terrible and i think i'm at that point past being cheered up since i'm vibing heavy to the songs that mattered most to me when i was 15 so i'm gonna wallow via photos i took on a new years a few years ago when i was deeply unhappy, took some painkillers and walked around [they were prescribed for a toothache previously but were not being used for such a purpose that night; i flushed them all later that winter because i realized that if i didn't it would probably lead to further abuse and an addiction (don't do drugs kiddos)] i wound up making myself sick from behaving like a fool alone at home that night when i got back and spent new years day vomiting and unable to go to work
